If Witches Were Horses by Jill Weber

Index

Chapter 1: Part 1
Chapter 2: Second Try
Chapter 3: Answers
Chapter 4: Showtime!

Chapter 1: Part 1

Disney's Aladdin:

If Witches Were Horses, Pt 1 of 4

Story by Jill D. Weber

(Disclaimer: The Aladdin characters and City of Agrabah are copyrighted by Disney Corporation and are used without permission or intent to make a profit.)

The giant mechanical crab scuttled towards Agrabah. Mekhanikles, self-proclaimed Greatest of the Great Greek Geniuses had gone out of his way to make sure no one would see him coming. He'd carefully designed the legs so they would scuffle, not stomp. All of the joints were well oiled. And the whole thing was painted a Darker than Hades black, so as it scuttled through the night, it looked like a passing shadow.

Of course, in the daytime, it was rather conspicuous against the bright golden sand, so Mekhanikles slunk through the mountains near Agrabah while he waited for nightfall. As the he reviewed his meticulous plan, he chuckled over the surprise he was going to give that Poofy-Haired Street Rat.

Eight pairs of narrowed eyes peered over the edge of the dusty Carpet. A sky blue hummingbird darted around four cloaked heads chortling to itself. "Genie was right!" said Jasmine.

The four rose up to kneeling positions. A by-stander in the canyon would have seen two teenagers, a monkey and a parrot -- all dressed in black cloaks. "And you said a giant mechanical crab alarm was a stupid idea," the genie-faced hummingbird smirked at the parrot.

"It IS a stupid idea," grumbled the red parrot grumbled, trying to get the cloak adjusted correctly. "You were just lucky." Iago was grumpy because Genie had insisted everybody had to wear 'ninja black' but was still running around in his own normal shade of blue. Even Carpet had been well dusted with charcoal to dim his bright colors to a nondescript grey.

"Luck had nothing to do with it," Genie sniffed. He poofed into his usual form, but retained the hummingbird size and fluttering wings. He was now dressed in scholarly black robes, complete with mortarboard and a tassel with a four leaf clover and a rabbit's foot hanging from it.

"I don't believe in luck," Genie said, materializing a piece of wood so he could knock on it. "I simply calculated..." the board turned into an abacus. "...Which member of the phylum Arthropoda..." a chart containing over 900,000 little pictures, many of them checked off, poofed into existence. "...that Mekhanikles hadn't used yet and set my traps accordingly."

"Good work, Genie," Aladdin whispered. Genie beamed, his head turning into a 'light bulb' and causing Aladdin to squint. The pause in Genie's monologue, however, gave Aladdin a space of silence to continue.

"If anybody has an idea, let's hear it," Aladdin said.

"Let's go home," Iago whined. Abu pulled Iago's hood over his face. Then the monkey flung his cape over his shoulder dramatically and scampered up Aladdin's cloak to rest on his friend's shoulder. Aladdin tugged on his cloak to keep his 'not appropriate for spying' outfit out of sight as much as possible.

(Under the cloak he was wearing his usual street outfit of off-white bag-trousers and purple vest. His only alternative was the blindingly white 'Prince Ali' outfit. He had refused point blank to let the Genie give him a proper 'Bondjamesbond' outfit.)

"He meant a GOOD idea, Iago. There's no point in going home, it will only follow us," Princess Jasmine snarled at the parrot.

She surveyed the scene and chewed on her lower lip. She was dressed in what it pleased Genie to call her "Ram-Jazz" outfit. The one she'd created when Abis Mal had given her amnesia and convinced her she was the "Scourge of the Desert". It consisted of a black bandeau with grey trim and black pants with a grey sash. Steel wrist bracers covered with black leather completed her outfit. Her hair was pulled to the top of her head and allowed to spill over in a pony tail.

"I have a plan," Jasmine announced. "Genie what were those things you used on the Legion of Doom?"

"Oh, the super-deluxe glue guns," Genie said, poofing out of his scholar's get-up and into overalls. A couple of the glue guns materialized in his hands.

"Good, we'll need some of those... um... spray paints, too," Jasmine continued.

"Any particular color?" Genie asked coyly, batting his suddenly long, luxurious lashes. He poofed himself into a pink dress and buxom body. He held up a color chart for Jasmine to study.

"Oh, red, will do," Jasmine said, waving one hand airily. "To match Mekhanikles' face, when we spoil his plan. Abu and Iago, you take the spray paint and paint over the eyes. Mekhanikles can't attack Agrabah if he can't see it."

"We can figure that our for ourselves, THANKS," Iago grumbled.

"Oh, hush," Genie said. "Don't you recognize plot exposition when you see it? At least she hasn't mentioned that Mekhanikles is a neatnik of the highest order and will totally freak when he sees the mess we're going to make on his new toy."

Iago clenched his wingtips and scrunched his face up. "That's because we have YOU for that kind of stuff!" he yelled.

Aladdin clamped his hand around Iago's beak. "Shhh, he'll hear you," he cautioned. "What do you want me to do?" he asked Jasmine.

"See if you can sneak inside," Jasmine answered.

Iago got his beak free. "You forget her birthday or something?" he asked snidely.

Aladdin snorted and noogied Iago.

"Carpet and I will go to the left with the glue guns. Genie, you take the right," Jasmine flashed her best Ram-Jazz grin and rubbed her knuckles against her palm. "We'll catch him" she waggled her eyebrows. "... in a pincer movement."

"Ouch," was Genie's comment. He gave Jasmine a wounded look. "No fair, puns are my department."

Aladdin clamped his hand over Iago's beak again before the acidic psittacidae could screech. "Let's do it," he whispered, leaping heroically off Carpet to land with a soft thud on the creature's carapace.

It was lucky for Aladdin the monster was in the shade, or the metal might have burned his feet. As it was, the metal was uncomfortably warm. Aladdin could also feel a faint vibration. It gave him a creepy feeling, as if the metal monster was alive.

He shook that off, he'd seen enough of Mekhanikles inventions to know they were just tools. Very big tools with a malicious mind using them, but tools nevertheless.

"He has to get in somehow," Aladdin muttered. "So, where's the entrance?" Then he spotted the hatch. Crawling over, he examined the hatch carefully and found the lock. He pulled a picklock from his collection and seconds later, the lock clicked.

"That was TOO easy," Aladdin said. He looked at the lock pick for a moment and wondered if Mekhanikles had been careless or if he had just fallen into a trap. His question was answered a moment later when the hatch popped open and a net zipped out and slurped him inside.

"Jasmine is NOT going to like this."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't that Poofy-Haired A-lad-din, come to pay a call," Mekhanikles' high pitched, variable voice grated on the ear and the pencil necked Greek's smirk grated on the nerves.

Mekhanikles right eye was perpetually covered with some sort of lens, like a miniature telescope, that constantly whirred in and out. Right now, it was in Aladdin's face, giving the young hero an entirely too close look at the madman's eye. Mekhanikles backed off and looked at a miniature sundial strapped to his wrist.

"My, my, you're early! I didn't expect to run into you for another..." he whipped out a scroll, his eye whirred and he zipped through the list of "Things to Do".

"Hmm... Wash the dishes, mop the floor, sneak up on Agrabah, get attacked by Poofy-haired hero... two hours and forty minutes." Mekhanikles turned the scroll in Aladdin's direction and pointed to a line Aladdin couldn't make out. "See?"

"Sorry to spoil your plans, Mekhanikles," snarled Aladdin in his best 'trapped but still defiant hero' voice.

"Oh, don't worry," Mekhanikles smirked. "You didn't. You just moved up my timetable a little."

"You won't conquer Agrabah today!" Aladdin said.

"Of course not, it's not on my agenda," Mekhanikles said brightly. He held up the scroll again. "See? Not on here."

"Then why are you here?" demanded Aladdin, without looking at the scroll.

"Why, I'm here to kill you," Mekhanikles said blandly. "With this." he touched a panel and the wall slid upward, revealing a roomful of something that smelled like... fireworks. Gunpowder, that's what Genie called it. There was enough of it in the room to blow Agrabah to Thundra's Valley.

Jasmine's plan seemed to be working perfectly. She gummed up the crab's claws and Genie mashed up together and she added more glue. They finished just as Iago and Abu finished painting the eyes.

Soon the mechanical crab staggered off course, smashed into the side of the canyon and came to a full and complete halt.

A hatch popped open and Mekhanikles came flying out on his favorite mechanical beetle, Scooter. "We've stopped you again, Mekhanikles!" boasted Genie.

"You may have stopped me for today, but my bomb will stop that Poofy-Haired a-LAD-din... FOREVER," Mekhanikles cackled as he sailed out of sight.

"What's a bomb?" Jasmine asked, bewildered.

"Big trouble!" Genie gasped. Reacting instinctively, that is to say weirdly, Genie turned into a giant frog and slurped up Jasmine, Abu, Iago and Carpet.

Lock picks were not meant to cut rope, but several of Aladdin's collection had serrated edges and terror is a great motivator. He wriggled free of the net just as the crab jolted to a halt. A hatch in the belly of the beast popped open and Aladdin grabbed the net and dove out the hatch. He was pretty far off the ground, but he gritted his teeth and swung hard so he could clear the crab's body. He hit the ground, rolled and ran.

Genie-frog took a giant leap and landed on the crab, but before he could start looking for Aladdin, the bomb exploded with enough force to send Genie flying.

He hit the ground, then leaped to his hind flippers: "Foppo, the Frog Who Eats Monarchs, triumphs again!" he roared.

"Aladdin!" was Jasmine's somewhat muffled cry from the belly of the beast.

The Frog's pop eyes popped even farther. He spat out his passengers and suddenly his hind legs turned into rockets and he blasted away. "Al! Al! Where are you, Little Buddy!!?? AL!!!"

Jasmine somersaulted through the air and Carpet caught her mid-flight. "Let's go!" she cried.

Iago managed to grab Abu with his claws, then bite down on Carpet's back hem just as Carpet accelerated. Bird and monkey *snapped* behind Carpet like the tail of a kite.

Iago grabbed Carpet with his wings, freeing his mouth to complain. "Hey! Those are our spines you're cracking!" howled Iago.

Abu just clambered over Iago onto Carpet and urged him to greater speed.

Even Iago was silenced when he saw the flaming wreckage.

"We'll have to split up," Jasmine said. "Iago, you go right. Genie, go left. We'll go straight ahead."

"Never mind, there he is!" Genie exclaimed, diving through the smoke.

How Genie could see through the smoke and fire, Iago couldn't guess. Carpet didn't seem to have any trouble following, so Iago just held on and let himself be towed. Soon he spotted a pile of flaming debris that pinned the unmoving Aladdin to the sand..

"Aladdin!" cried Jasmine as she jumped off Carpet.

Genie blocked her path. "Let me handle this, Jazz," he said. He

didn't look silly now. He scowled at the fiery debris that threatened his friend. He pointed and snow started to fall. A circling gesture produced a mini whirlwind that blew the flame and debris AWAY from Aladdin. The mini-blizzard passed Jasmine and the others, then Genie waved his hand and a full grown blizzard shrieked down the canyon and smothered the rest of the fire.

"Aladdin?" Jasmine breathed. She leaped off Carpet, only to have Genie *poof* in front of her wearing a dark blue uniform. A yellow ribbon with the words: 'Crime Scene' appeared in front of her, blocking her path.

"Hold it miss, let the professionals handle this." Genie handed Abu to her. "Here, hold the monkey... and the parrot," he added, adding Iago to her armload.

Genie and Carpet swooped over to Aladdin. The yellow ribbon proved to be magically impassable, so Jasmine was forced to wait, nervously squashing Abu and Iago to her chest.

"Al?" Genie whispered nervously. Aladdin was lying on his stomach, half buried under a pile of twisted metal. His left arm was twisted behind his back, the right was curled around his head. His face was buried in the crook of his right arm. Both legs were concealed by the debris from the crab.

"Aladdin? Kid?" Genie tentatively reached out a hand and touched Aladdin's left shoulder. He was rewarded with a faint moan.

Then Aladdin twisted his head slightly so his cheek was flat against the sand and he could see Genie out of the corner of his eye. "That HURT!" he rasped.

Genie sighed with relief and disposed of the crime scene tape that kept the others back. "Don't move," he said gently. He studied the twisted wreckage narrowly. Then he poofed into workman's clothes and began to take measurements.

"Wasn't plannin' to," was Aladdin's muffled reply.

"How badly are you injured?" was Jasmine's first question when she knelt next to Aladdin.

"Hard to tell," Aladdin's voice was almost to faint to hear. "My legs are numb."

Jasmine and Iago exchanged worried looks. Abu scurried under the rubble to sit next to Aladdin's face.

"Hey, Abu," Aladdin. He tried to grin but it came out more of a grimace. "Genie? What's taking so long?" he asked plaintively.

"Gotta make sure I don't hurt you more when I move this stuff," Genie said grimly. He finished his measurements, rolled up his arms.

"Close your eyes," he warned. Then, with his usual arabesque special effect, he zapped the debris into glittering motes.

"My eyes!" wailed Iago.

"I warned you to close them," Genie said mildly.

"It didn't help," Jasmine gasped, hands over her eyes as she tried to blink the afterimage away.

"Sorry," Genie scooted over to Aladdin, determined to get the first look.

Aladdin was now on his right side. He had the back of one hand over his eyes and the other hand clutching the top of his left thigh.

"Al?" Genie asked. "What hurts the most?"

"My left leg," Aladdin said through gritted teeth. "I think it's broken."

"Let's get you back to the palace," Jasmine said. She sighed with relief as her sight returned and she saw the wreckage around her. It could have been so much worse. If she ever got her hands on that pencil necked Greek, she would...

***

"... Strangle him with my bare hands," Jasmine growled. It was three days after the exploding crab incident and she was visiting her

friend, Sadira, the street- rat- turned-witch-of-the-sand-in-training

(sort of). Jasmine slumped in her seat, propped her elbows on Sadira's

table and clutched her hair with both hands as she glared into her

coffee cup.

"Mekhanikles?" asked Sadira,

"Him, too," grumped Jasmine, shoving her hands deeper into her

hair.

The brown haired witch blinked her blue eyes and studied her

guest. Jasmine was dressed in her usual 'about town' outfit-- brown robe over her sea green harem outfit. She'd shoved the camel colored hood off her head in disgust. Sadira wondered how Jasmine could look so elegant and so frazzled at the same time. It must be a princess thing, she decided.

Sadira smiled sympathetically and placed a plate of muffins on the table. "Aladdin's not being a co-operative patient?"

Jasmine sighed and straightened up. "That's putting it mildly." She sighed. "I know I should be more patient with him, I know it's inconvenient for him, but honestly, Sadira. Does he have to rush things? The leg isn't going to heal any faster. He may even do more damage!" She looked doubtfully at the muffins, remembering Sadira's earlier attempts at cooking.

Sadira patted Jasmine's shoulder. "They're safe, I bought them. As for Aladdin-- Remember, to a street rat, being able to move isn't just a convenience, it's a matter of survival."

Jasmine frowned. "But he's at the PALACE!"

Sadira smiled cryptically as she pointed out. "So are the guards."

It was getting dark as Jasmine arrived back at the palace. She felt a little guilty, her coffee klatch with Sadira had lasted several hours longer than she had expected it to. The Princess wondered what Aladdin had been doing all afternoon.

"Fazal, where is Aladdin?" she asked the portly, dark skinned soldier on guard at the main entrance.

"Um," Fazal said.

Jasmine raised an eyebrow.

"He's in the menagerie," Fazal said with what appeared to be reluctance.

Jasmine put this impression down to her own guilty conscience, until she reached the menagerie and heard Rasoul speaking.

"Do you need anything else, lad?" Rasoul was saying in an unctuous tone that caused Jasmine's teeth to grit. She could imagine what it was doing to Aladdin. Now she understood Sadira's comment about the guards also being at the palace.

"No, Rasoul," Aladdin said with exaggerated patience. "I have everything I need, thank you."

"Perhaps another pillow? Or some nice, warm milk?"

The menagerie was getting dark, but Rasoul's white pants and Aladdin's bandages stood out sharply in the dusk. Jasmine's brown robe made her almost invisible, and neither man saw her as she approached.

Aladdin was seated under an apple tree. His crutches sprawled in the damp grass just out of his reach. Apparently they had toppled from where he had set them. Rasoul was leaning casually against the apple tree, smiling the long distance down at Aladdin. Aladdin had his arms crossed over his chest and his gaze fixed grimly straight ahead. "That will be ALL, Rasoul," Jasmine growled.

Both men jumped and looked in her direction. "Your Highness!" blurted Rasoul. "I was just..."

"I heard what you were JUST," Jasmine said with a glare. "Go and tell Chef Aben that will have supper in the Blue Sitting Room."

Rasoul opened his mouth, then decided discretion was the better part of job security. He bowed and left the menagerie.

Aladdin scowled, as much at Jasmine as at Rasoul. "I can take care of myself," he said.

Jasmine put her hands on her hips and glared. "Did I say you couldn't?" she demanded.

Aladdin actually blushed. "No." He dropped his gaze to his hands. "Sorry, that wasn't called for." He started to rub the back of his neck, but stopped when he hit a bandage covered burn.

Jasmine collected his crutches and handed them to him. "Here, I think we should go inside."

"Thanks," Aladdin took hold of the crutches and levered himself to his feet without looking at Jasmine. He hopped awkwardly towards the palace, head hanging down as if he felt the need to be extra cautious with his footing.

Jasmine matched her stride to match his. She was still miffed at his comment, but he didn't look very happy himself, so she said nothing. "Um, did you have a nice time with Sadira?" Aladdin asked tentatively, as if he expected to be snapped at.

"Ah, yes," Jasmine said. She felt guilty over having been away so long, and annoyed at feeling guilty, and angry at Aladdin for making her want to stay away. She couldn't decide what to feel so she shelved all her emotions for further study.

"We had a pleasant time," she said blandly. She paused, not sure what else to say. "We decided we should take cooking lessons. Something 'girlish' we could do together on an equal basis."

"Oh," Aladdin paused. "Cooking isn't just for girls. I wouldn't mind learning, either," he added, then he paused again. He paused in his walking, too. "Jasmine, I'm sorry I've been such a pain about this." He still didn't look at her.

Jasmine touched his arm, then put a finger under his chin to raise his eyes to hers. "It's all right," she said as a matter of form.

Aladdin shook his head, freeing himself of her touch. "No it's not. I've been a jerk and now everybody's mad at me." He sighed. "And I don't blame them."

She took his arm and tugged, causing him to start hobbling again. "I'm sure the guys aren't mad at you..." she looked around the darkening garden. "Where are they, anyway?"

"I don't know," Aladdin confessed. "I told them to go away and they did." He dropped his gaze to his bandaged leg. "No, I howled at them to go away."

"I see." Jasmine felt her bad mood fade as they entered the palace. It wasn't as if Aladdin wanted to be ornery, and he could have been killed.

They went into the Blue Sitting Room. It was one of Jasmine's favorites, having a nice view of the menagerie, a full sized fire place, comfortable divans and several well stocked book cases.

"Well, I haven't been very nice, either, running off and leaving you at Rasoul's mercy all afternoon."

Aladdin made a wry face. "Well, I wouldn't have been all alone with Rasoul if I hadn't yelled at the guys."

Reminded, Jasmine changed the subject. "I'll have to do something about Rasoul," she said ominously.

"Nah," Aladdin replied. "I'm not scared of the big ape."

"And you don't want it to look like you are?" Jasmine asked.

He grinned at her as he lowered himself to a divan. The grin fled as he gasped with pain and dropped his crutches. "Aladdin?"

Aladdin grabbed the back of the divan with both hands to keep from falling to the ground. He made an obvious effort to not cry out in pain, squeezing his eyes shut and biting down on the inside of his cheek. "I'm... I'm okay," he gasped after a few moments. "Just sat on the wrong bruise."

Jasmine blushed when she realized that while the broken leg was Aladdin's worst injury, it was far from the only one. She reached out to steady him, and looked around for assistance.

"Allow me," Genie appeared suddenly. He gently lifted Aladdin up, Carpet swooped under and Genie gently set the youth down. Abu and Iago showed up with pillows and blankets. Between the four of them, they managed to find the least uncomfortable position for Aladdin.

"Guys, I'm sorry," Aladdin started. "You should be..." Iago's tirade cut off Aladdin' s apology and was cut off in turn when Abu shoved an apple core into his beak.

Iago spat it out and started after the monkey, only to be warned off by Jasmine's disapproving glare.

Having disposed of the remains of his apple, Abu scampered around Aladdin's shoulders, avoiding the bruises and chattering his forgiveness. Carpet patted him on the head.

Jasmine ruffled his hair. "It's all right, " she said, meaning it this time. "We know you're having a bad time."

Aladdin smiled lopsidedly. "That's no excuse for giving you a bad time. I promise, I'll try to control my temper in the future." He started to sit up but Genie gently held him back.

"You also need to listen to doctor's orders and not overdo things!" Genie commanded in a serious tone.

Aladdin held up his hands in surrender. "I promise, I'll be as good as gold."

Genie couldn't stand being serious for long. He poofed into a floral granny dress with a frilly apron and a stethoscope. "Now, just relax, Dr. Mom knows best!" There was a puff of smoke and table laden with steaming soup bowls appeared. "Some of Chef Aben's finest chicken soup is JUST what you need!"

In the Royal Kitchen, Chef Aben looked at the garnished but otherwise empty floor space in front of him. Then he looked at Chief Cook Safiya. Safiya, who'd been at the Palace longer than Aben, merely smiled and said brightly. "That takes care of the soup! Now you check your masterpiece for today while I finish the salad."

Aben sighed and looked around for a broom. "Looks like it's going to be one of THOSE Arabian nights," he muttered.

In the following days, Aladdin was as good as his word. There were no more angry outbursts and he scrupulously followed the doctor's orders. The bruises faded and the burns began to heal. But the nagging aches and pains lingered. Worse, the confinement began to wear down Aladdin's spirit.

Twentieth century medical lingo would term it 'depression'. All that his friends knew was that Aladdin was miserable.

Even Rasoul began to worry. "He's too quiet," Rasoul muttered.

"We gotta do something," Iago said.

But there wasn't anything they could do.

"Frankly, I wish we could go back to the temper tantrums," Jasmine confessed to Sadira one morning. She had stopped by for a brief visit, and this time her worry over Aladdin made her keep it brief.

"Can't Genie do anything?" Sadira asked.

Jasmine shook her head. "He can't, and we can't find anything in Jafar's library that will help, either. Healing wasn't his specialty." She paused. "Well, I've got to get going," she added apologetically. "I'm going to pick up some sugar dates and I'd better do it while the selection is still good."

Sadira frowned at the library of magic scrolls around her. Healing wasn't a strong suit of the Witches of the Sands, either. But maybe there was something? "Well, I don't have anything else to do today," she said to herself. So she began to search through her scrolls.

Several days later, she arrived at the Palace with several ancient scrolls in her carry-sack. "I think I found something that might help," Sadira announced. She pulled a scroll out of her carry-sack and held it up. "I found this in the Witch's library.

They were in the Blue sitting room again, and Jasmine had been serving tea when Sadira had arrived. Aladdin was arranged as comfortably as possible on a divan.

Iago threw himself in front of Aladdin, spreading his wings out defensively. "You get the kid to safety, I'll hold her off!" he proclaimed in heroic tones.

Jasmine would have been annoyed if Aladdin hadn't laughed for the first time in almost two weeks. She looked at Sadira, who just rolled her eyes and muttered "Men!" in a good humored way.

"I didn't know the Witches of the Sand went in for healing," Genie said suspiciously. Not that he distrusted Sadira (or so he kept telling himself). "Are you sure it isn't a trap of some sort?"

"They weren't very people oriented," Sadira understated in mild tones. "But I think this scroll is genuine. Look." She handed the scroll to Genie. Genie pulled the scroll from its case and squinted at the archaic script as he read aloud: "Horse Care, Scroll Four: Healing Broken Legs." He held the scroll so that the others could see the picture of an injured horse on the cover.

Iago dropped the defensive posture flapped over to Genie's shoulder. "I'm almost relieved," he said. "They'd consider HORSES to be valuable. So this might work... assuming the scroll isn't cursed and they had some idea of what they were talking about."

Genie *poofed* himself a pair of magnifying spectacles. He examined the scroll thoroughly. "What about the others in the series?" he asked.

Sadira unslung her carry-sack and handed it to him. "There's ten in the set," she said. "Dealing with things like colic, bad habits, training. Scrolls four through nine deal with injuries and diseases."

"What does scroll ten deal with?" Jasmine asked, handing Sadira a tea cup. Sadira took a sip. "Reanimating dead horses," she said.

"Yuck," was the mildest of the opinions of the listeners. Aladdin shook his head in wonder. "Mamluk horses, I hope Mozenrath doesn't hear about this!"

Jasmine shuddered at the thought of Mamluks on horseback. Then she looked at Genie with hope in her eyes. "Do you think it will help?" she asked. Aladdin held his breath.

Genie and Iago consulted over the scrolls. "You might as well finish your tea," Genie said. "This will take a while."

The 'awhile' lasted until after tea, Chinese checkers, chess, lunch and a game that Genie called Monopoly. It was late in the afternoon when Genie and Iago made their judgement on the scroll.

"I can't see anything harmful about it," Iago said, a trace of doubt in his voice. "But then, I'm not sure what all these subordinate clauses do."

"It's the strangest spell I've ever seen," Genie confessed. "It looks sort of like an amalgamation of Sand Magic and Genie magic."

"I thought mixing magics was dangerous," Jasmine said, thinking of the LAST time they had mixed Sadira's and Genie's spells. Aladdin had wound up running around the desert thinking he was some sort of Dragon Slayer. It had only been Sadira's kiss that had broken the spell. She really didn't like that memory, even if Sadira was one of her best friends.

"It is, but I only said this almost looks like a mixture," Genie said. He frowned. "It... well, it certainly looks like it would heal your leg."

"Well, if it looks safe enough, then let's try it," Aladdin said. "Sooner or later somebody nasty, like Mozenrath, will find out that I'm laid up. I don't want to be helpless when somebody comes after me."

Jasmine frowned. "You mean, if."

The guys exchanged looks, then turned their gazes to the girls and shook their heads (well, Carpet shook his hem.)

"With Al, it's when," Iago sighed.

"Genie?" Aladdin asked.

"Well, I can't think of any reason to not use the scroll, other than it was made by the Witches of the Sand," Genie confessed. "I don't see anything that would hurt you, and I can't think of any reason why the witches would hurt a horse."

"Then let's do it," Aladdin said.

Genie frowned, but he knew that sooner or later that one of Aladdin's enemies would show up. And the later it got, the sooner the villain would show up. "Okay, Al, you're the boss," he said unhappily.

Jasmine turned to Sadira, "What do we do?"

"First we go outside, onto the grass." They trooped outside, Aladdin riding on Carpet.

"Aladdin, you need to lie down on your non-injured side." Sadira said as she pulled the ingredients she needed from her carry-sack. She arranged incense burners in a circle around Aladdin.

"I guess we don't need a rope around your neck," she said to Aladdin.

"I won't run away," Aladdin promised dryly.

"Now, you guys need to turn your backs," Sadira said, including Jasmine as one of the 'guys'. "I'm not sure if this is part of the spell, or part of their secrecy, but I'm not taking chances." To Aladdin, she added: "You can't turn your back, so just close your eyes." She looked around to make sure nobody was looking, then began the ritual gestures and intonations of the healing spell.

The spell was more powerful than they had imagined. The bright noonday sun faded as clouds rushed together. The wind howled and there was a boom of thunder. Before anyone could question if this was how the spell was SUPPOSED to work, there was a flash of lightning and a cry from Aladdin.

"AL!" cried Genie as Jasmine cried: "Aladdin!"

They all whirled around to see Sadira staring wide eyed at her patient, with her hand over her mouth. Aladdin's bandages and clothing lay scattered in the grass, and there weren't any injuries to be seen. Aladdin was on his feet, looking dazed.

At least, they assumed the silvery stallion standing in the circle of incense burners was Aladdin.

The clouds dissipated and the sunshine returned, but everyone was too stunned to notice the weather.

"Ooo-kay, so it was a shape shifting spell as WELL as a healing spell," Genie said, looking Aladdin over from all sides.

"Must have wanted to improve the horse as well as heal it," Iago muttered.

The stallion stared at them in consternation, then craned his neck to look at himself. He looked at both silvery flanks, then bent forward to look at his black legs. Then he looked at the others and flicked his ears.

"Aladdin?" Jasmine asked coming forward. She reached out and touched his neck with one hand, the other hand going up to cover the 'o' her mouth was making.

The stallion nodded.

"Well, at least he remembers who he IS this time," Iago's sarcastic voice broke in.

Sadira blushed. She kept hoping to live down the 'Dragon Slayer' incident.

Carpet swooped around Aladdin agitatedly, and Abu bounded onto the horses withers, chattering worriedly.

"Are you in any pain?" Sadira asked worriedly.

Aladdin shook his head, then threw it back and let out a horse laugh.

"What's so funny?" Jasmine demanded, hands on hips.

Aladdin lifted his feet up and set them down again with great deliberation.

"Oh, your leg is better," Jasmine interpreted. She wasn't quite sure what to feel, alarmed didn't quite seem right, and there was nobody to be angry at.

Even the Witches of the Sand had done exactly what they said. More, in fact, for the remaining burns and bruises were also gone. "There is a way of turning him back into a human, isn't there?" she asked the magic users.

Sadira shrugged. "I don't know. This spell doesn't come with a reversal like the 'Dragon Slayer' spell did. You might try kissing him."

Jasmine kissed Aladdin on his velvety nose, but nothing happened.

"I might try kissing him," Sadira suggested, not entirely seriously.

Jasmine gave her a dirty look. Sadira shrugged and spread her hands. Jasmine thought it over, Sadira's Dragon Slayer spell had required Sadira's kiss to break it. She sighed. "Oh, go ahead, then," she said, much to everybody's surprise.

Sadira kissed Aladdin on his velvety nose. Again, nothing happened.

"Sorry," Sadira said.

Everyone looked at Genie.

"Well, this does seem to be a standard shape shifting spell," Genie said. "Like the one that turned Jasmine into a rat and Iago into a flying rat... sorry, you're already a flying rat, I meant 'frilled lizard'.

"You are so NOT funny!" growled Iago.

"I can give it a shot," Genie said, ignoring Iago. "Stand back and close your eyes!"

Remembering what happened last time Genie had said that, Jasmine and the guys turned their backs and covered their eyes. Sadira decided they knew best and followed their example. Genie cracked his knuckles, went into his windup and let loose. There was another flash and another yelp from Aladdin, then: "Well, THAT'S an improvement," Aladdin said wryly. "Almost."

Joyfully, Jasmine turned to hug her beloved, then stopped short. Aladdin was still uninjured, and still unclad, and still on four equine

feet. Only now the horse's neck and head had been changed into Aladdin's upper torso and head.

"Oh, great, now he's a centaur!" Iago yelled.

"Oopsie," Genie said.

To Be Continued

Back to index

Chapter 2: Second Try

Disney's Aladdin:

If Witches Were Horses, Part 2

By Jill Weber

Dedicated to the Entire Aladdin Mailing List,

Especially Sedeara

(Disclaimer: The Aladdin characters and City of Agrabah are copyrighted by Disney Corporation and are used without permission or intent to make a profit.)

The Sultan was balancing the budget. At least, he was going over the paperwork that his Emir of Finance assured him showed that the budget was balanced. The tiny writing was giving him a headache and his fingers were tired from manipulating an abacus all day. He hated this tedious bean counting. He would much rather leave it all in the hands of Emir Tabari, whom he trusted completely.

On the other hand, he had trusted Jafar completely and see where that had gotten him. So he had to double check everything. He was not unhappy when there was an interruption. In fact, he welcomed the chance to set aside his bean counting and receive an emissary or settle a dispute or stop for a meal.

"Yes, Fazal?" He asked Rasoul's faithful sidekick.

"Pardon the interruption, Oh Commander of the Faithful."

`Commander of the Faithful?' Using such a formal title meant serious trouble. The Sultan sighed. On the other hand, at this point, even an invasion would be better than going over more figures. "Eh, what seems to be the problem?"

"Um, well, I think you'd better see it for yourself," Fazal hemmed and hawed.

The Sultan rose and headed for the door of his study. "Give me a hint," he said.

"Um, well, Aladdin's Genie... Well, it's difficult to explain."

The Sultan held his hand up. "Never mind, I understand your problem." Anything involving that genie of Aladdin's tended to get bizarre. Come to think of it, anything involving his future son-in-law tended to get bizarre. "At least Jasmine won't have a boring marriage," he sighed to himself.

"Pardon me, Your Majesty?" Fazal said.

"Never mind," the Sultan said again. They came to the menagerie and the Sultan stopped when he saw the centaur. He had a good education and was well acquainted with centaurs' less than savory reputation. He hoped that this centaur would turn out to be a friend of the Genie's. As he got there, Iago was flapping around, molting feathers like he was throwing rice at a wedding.

"I can't believe it!" yelled Iago. "You actually found a form that has poofier hair than Aladdin normally has!"

Aladdin? The centaur was Aladdin?? Then he got a good look at the centaur. Once he got past the silvery equine half and the massive mane of midnight hair, he recognized the face. He had been right. Anything involving Aladdin tended to get bizarre.

"Uh, sorry about that, chief," Genie said contritely.

"Well, it's not exactly your fault, Genie," Aladdin said.

He took a step towards Genie and promptly fell over.

"Aladdin!" Jasmine cried.

"I'm okay," Aladdin said, rolling over and trying to get his feet under him.

"Oh, this is all my fault," Sadira said. "I should have known..."

"Known what?" Jasmine asked. "That the Witches of the Sand's healing formula was also a shape shifting formula? Who would have figured they were so..."

"Specialized," Genie supplied. "Or maybe that's specie- ized." He turned into a human with a gap toothed smile who was standing in front of a floating scroll. "And now for Genie Letterman's top ten reasons why no one could have foreseen this happening."

Aladdin held up his hands. "Please, Genie, no more lists. They remind me of Mekhanikles."

"Oh, sorry," Genie poofed back into his usual self.

Aladdin tried to stand up again.

"Maybe you should take this slowly, Al," Genie said. "Changing forms is kind of tricky."

"So I noticed," Aladdin said. He looked quizzically at Genie. "How do you make it look so easy?"

Genie *flashed* into a large blue centaur badly in need of a shave, hauled Aladdin to his four feet and said: "Al, kid, I was in the Cave of Wonders for ten thousand years with no way to get out of the lamp, nobody to keep me company and no television reception! I had to do something to amuse myself."

Sadira cleared her throat. "So, if you're an expert at changing forms, then you can turn Aladdin back into normal, right?" She looked at Genie with hope in her big blue eyes.

"Or at least what passes for normal around here," Iago added sarcastically.

"I certainly hope so," The Sultan said.

Aladdin looked around and lurched away from Genie, but couldn't coordinate his four legs. Each went in a different direction and Aladdin slid to the ground with a thump, much like a newborn colt. The Sultan chewed on his moustache to stifle a smile.

Rasoul didn't care about sparing Aladdin's feelings and he laughed out loud. "What's the matter, Street Rat? Having a little trouble walking?"

Aladdin's eyes flashed and he lurched in Rasoul's direction. He staggered and fell against Rasoul. Aladdin leaned against Rasoul's shoulder for balance and looked down at the smirking captain. Slowly, his glare lightened to a delighted grin and Rasoul's smirk faded to a worried frown as the realization hit both of them that Aladdin was looking DOWN at Rasoul.

"Rasoul! You've SHRUNK!" crowed Aladdin.

"Very funny, Street Rat," grumbled Rasoul as he tried to push Aladdin away.

On the second try, Aladdin ALLOWED Rasoul to move him. Very carefully, he walked over to the Sultan.

"I think we can dispense with the salaam this time, my boy," the Sultan said with a twinkle in his eye.

Aladdin looked startled, then he grinned. "Thank you, Your Highness," he said. "I don't seem to have complete control over this body."

"So I see," the Sultan said. "I do hope this isn't a permanent change, my boy."

"So do I," Aladdin. "But we haven't discovered a cure yet."

"And how did this come about?"

Genie whipped out something he called a television set and turned a knob. Then he was inside the television, reading from a sheet of paper.

"As you recall, in our last episode, Aladdin and his friends foiled Mekhanikles latest invasion plan."

The Sultan's eyes went wide. "Mekhanikles invaded? Jasmine, why wasn't I informed?"

Jasmine cleared her throat. "No, Father, Mekhanikles didn't actually invade Agrabah. Genie is talking about the fight we had in the mountains a few weeks ago. We stopped him and his giant Mekhanikle Krab. Unfortunately, he blew up his crab."

"I thought that was a good thing," The Sultan said.

Genie reached out from the television and tapped Jasmine on the shoulder. "Kindly leave the narration to the professionals."

"Oh, sorry, Genie," Jasmine said contritely.

Just then a blue faced version of Robert Stack (complete with black genie beard) walked on screen. "Wait a minute! *I'M* the narrator!" protested the blue Robert Stack.

Genie glared at him. "You're on the WRONG SHOW!"

Robert Stack frowned. "Isn't this Disney's Hercules?"

"NO!" Genie declared. "This is Disney's ALADDIN! And you're not only on the wrong SHOW, you are on the wrong STATION!" He points off screen. "Now scat, you're interfering with my recap."

Robert Stack gave a sniff. "Now you know how I feel. I can rarely finish a sentence before..."

Before he could finish his sentence, five gorgeous, golden-skinned goddesses galloped in and glommed onto him. "Come on, Bobby-baby," the short, full figured Muse said. "You have to go back to narrating Hercules so WE can interrupt YOU!" They carried him off screen before he could answer.

Genie stared offscreen for a minute. Jasmine tapped him on the shoulder. "The recap?" she said. "Or have you forgotten that you already have a girlfriend?"

Genie shook himself and continued in his announcer's voice. "The maniacal madman Mekhanikles blew up his crab and seriously injured Aladdin in the process."

"That was the unfortunate part," the Sultan said. "Yes, I remember that Aladdin was injured and was feeling depressed about it."

Genie threw up his hands in despair. The television disappeared. "I don't know how 'Bobby-Baby' puts up with all these interruptions," he complained.

"But Genie, you haven't gotten to the part that I don't know yet," the Sultan complained. "I already know about Aladdin's broken leg. But how did this lead to his being a centaur?"

"That's my fault," Sadira confessed. "I found a scroll that the witches of the sand used to heal horse's legs."

"And that turned him into a centaur?"

"No," Jasmine said. "It turned him into a horse. It was when Genie tried to turn him back into a human..."

"I see," the Sultan said. "So what's the next step?"

Everyone looked at the magic experts, Iago and Sadira. Sadira looked at Iago and raised her eyebrows. "I'm all ears, Iago," she said.

"I think maybe we should look at Jafar's library," Iago said.

"Do you really want a centaur wandering around the palace?" Rasoul said snidely. "Are you sure he's housebroken?"

Aladdin whirled and lunged. Rasoul was saved from injury only because Aladdin's lack of control over his legs allowed Genie to come between him and his victim. Carpet scooped the startled guard off his feet and swept him to safety.

Rasoul and Aladdin looked at each other in shock. Rasoul was shaken enough to actually thank Carpet for the rescue.

Carpet threw him into the fountain. Then returned to the others dusting his tassels off.

Aladdin felt like he was going to be sick. "I almost, I mean, I could have..." he swallowed. "Thanks, guys," he whispered.

"No sweat, Al," Genie said worriedly.

Sadira raised her forefinger. "I think maybe we should look at MY library first. After all, the original spell came from the Witches."

"That would probably be a good idea," the Sultan said. Then he remembered centaurs' reputation for bad behavior around women. "Um, Jasmine, a private word with you?" He drew her aside and said. "Perhaps you should stay here and, um, check out Jafar's library."

Jasmine regarded him soberly. "No, Father, I'm sorry, but my place is with Aladdin." The Sultan started to speak, but she held up her hand to forestall him. "I know what you're worried about, I read those same stories about centaurs and women. However, this is ALADDIN we are talking about. I trust him completely."

As he had trusted Jafar, the Sultan thought. But before he could speak, Jasmine added: "Besides, Genie and Carpet will be there to keep an eye on things."

That made the Sultan feel better. He mediated a few moments on the irony of trusting his precious daughter to a spirit and a rug, then turned his attention to helping Aladdin relearn how to walk.

After a half hour's practice, Aladdin felt secure enough on his legs to walk to the entrance of Sadira's sanctuary. (Ironically, while entrance to the Witches' sanctuary was on the other side of the market place, the actual sanctuary was almost directly under the palace.)

As they strolled through the market place, newcomers to Agrabah stared at the Genie and the centaur and the two beautiful women. Agrabah residents merely raised their eyebrows at this latest manifestation of strangeness from their princess. ("Things get bizarre around her," they whispered. "The Sultan must have shut her up in that tower too long.")

When they passed Omar's fruit stand, the stout fruit seller's eyes widened, then a mischievous smile crossed his face. "Apple?" he said, offering a large apple to Aladdin.

Genie inconspicuously leaned on Aladdin's rump. But all Aladdin did was take the apple and roll it off his arm to Jasmine. Then he tossed some coins onto the fruit stand to pay for the fruit that he assumed that Abu and Iago had stolen while nobody was watching. Since Sadira hadn't received an apple from Omar, she stole one of Iago's stolen apples.

Abu leaped onto Aladdin's equine back, then onto his human shoulder, so he could offer Aladdin one of the apples that he had stolen. Aladdin took the apple and shook his head ruefully. "You hairy little thief, he said, rubbing Abu's head affectionately.

They reached the Witches' Sanctuary with no incidents. Before they started to look through Sadira's library, they discussed ways of turning Aladdin back into a human that didn't involve the unreliable magic of the witches of the sands.

"What about the tree of renewal?" Jasmine asked.

Genie rubbed the back of his neck and turned pink with embarrassment. "Uh, sorry, Jazz, that won't work. It might have worked on the broken leg, or it might have worked on the horse, but I wouldn't try it now."

Aladdin cocked his head. "Why not?"

"Um, well..." Genie waved his hand and a chalkboard appeared in a cloud of chalk dust. Jasmine, Abu and Iago all started to sneeze. Genie then gave himself a scholar's robe and mortar board. "When you were turned into a naga, Jaz..." he said to the sneezing princess.

Pictures of Jasmine as a human and Jasmine as a snake woman appeared on the board. An arrow pointed from Jasmine-human to Jasmine-snake. "We went to the tree of renewal and you were changed from a naga to a human."

There was another puff of chalk dust and now the arrow pointed from Jasmine-snake to Jasmine-human.

"However, Al was transformed from a human to a horse." A picture of Aladdin as a human appeared, followed by an arrow, followed by a picture of Aladdin as a horse. Every picture was accompanied by a puff of chalk dust. "Then Al was changed into a centaur." Another arrow followed was by Aladdin as a centaur which was followed by another puff of chalk dust.

"So if I go to the tree of renewal, it will turn me back into a horse instead of turning me back into a human?" Aladdin asked between sneezes.

"Um, yes," Genie said. "And, combing magic with Murphy's Law, it would probably be a permanent change."

"Wonderful," sighed Jasmine, wondering why Murphy had passed such a mean law. Then she sneezed again. "Okay, what about the gold elixir? You know, the one that separated Aladdin and Mozenrath when Mozenrath tried to take over Aladdin's body?"

Genie shook his head. "Sorry, that's more of a spiritual thing, not a physical thing," he said.

Jasmine sneezed again. "It (*ah-choo!*) figures."

Sadira made a gesture with her fingers and the chalk dust disappeared and everyone stopped sneezing. "Hey, it worked," she said with pleased surprise.

"What was that spell?" Iago asked suspiciously.

"It was just something to get rid of the chalk dust," Sadira explained. "It works on sand, so I guessed it would work with dust."

"You GUESSED!" howled Iago.

A large eraser appeared over Iago's head, then swatted him on the rear. A big cloud of dust appeared and gave Iago another sneezing spell. "Very (ah-choo!) funny, Genie!" he snarled.

Sadira and Jasmine giggled at Genie's "innocent" expression.

"Sorry, Bird-man," Genie said insincerely. "I must have mistaken you for a feather duster."

"Why don't we get to work?" suggested Sadira before Iago could come up with a retort. She showed them the library and gestured to two walls of shelving. "It's kind of a mess. I've been sorting everything into two sections -- the stuff I can read and the stuff I can't read."

Jasmine looked through the scrolls on the second section -- "Hm, Greek, Latin, Sanskrit," she smiled. "I can read all this."

"Show off," Sadira snorted good naturedly. She'd learned to read from her parents before they died, but little more than the basics.

Jasmine's smile grew wider. "Well, when you're cooped up all day, you have to find something to do. Reading and learning languages were some of the few things I was permitted to do."

Genie gestured and suddenly Jasmine's sea-green harem outfit became a blue jumper with a white blouse. "Tale as old as time..." he warbled.

"Genie," Aladdin snapped. "Can we PLEASE get to work?"

Jasmine's outfit turned back to normal and everyone looked at Aladdin. Aladdin blushed. "I'm sorry. I... don't know what's wrong with me."

"Quick tempers are a centaur thing," Iago said. "Along with drinking, carousing and..."

Jasmine clamped her hand over Iago's beak. "Not in mixed company," she said in a too sweet voice.

"Jasmine?" Aladdin said worriedly. "What else? I need to know."

Genie and Jasmine exchanged looks. Genie cleared his throat. "Um, centaurs have the reputation for being, well, discourteous to women."

Aladdin looked sick.

Sadira said brightly. "Well, these scrolls aren't going to read themselves, so let's do some reading!"

Jasmine, Genie and Carpet tackled the section of "unreadable" scrolls, books, tablets and folios. Aladdin, Sadira and Iago started on the "readable" stack. Abu couldn't read, but his pickpocket's hands proved valuable in undoing locked books, unfastening knotted scroll cords and unfolding fragile parchment.

After a while, Aladdin found he could not concentrate on what he was reading. He was beginning to feel like he was suffocating, even though Sadira's anti-dust spell was keeping the air fresh. He walked away from the table and began pacing.

"Hey!" shouted Iago. "I thought you wanted to find a cure!"

"I KNOW!" bellowed Aladdin. "I just can't read anymore. I want out of this dungeon. I want out of this body! I want to GO HOME!"

The others exchanged looks. "Ah, we could take this stuff to the palace," suggested Jasmine.

"I meant, MY home," Aladdin snapped. "C'mon, Abu."

Genie swirled across the room in front of Aladdin. "Um, Al..."

"What NOW?"

Genie tapped the tips of his fingers together nervously. "I really don't think that the floor of your hovel will take your current weight!"

Aladdin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, I guess you're right." His shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry, I just..."

Genie lit up, literally. "You just need a break! How about we all go out for falafel and coffee?" His attire changed to a chef's uniform.

Aladdin attempted a smile. Jasmine walked over to him and touched his arm. "Maybe you should stretch your legs a little," she said. "I know the horses at the palace get cranky when they've been cooped up too long. Maybe you need a little exercise."

"I'm hungry," Sadira said. She gestured to the pile of reading material. "Why don't we take some of the sturdier books with us to the palace and look them over while we have something to eat? And Aladdin can get some exercise while we do some more reading."

"That sounds like an excellent idea," Jasmine said. "My father would be glad to help us, he's even better with languages than I am."

"What about the guards," Aladdin said. "I mean..."

"I can take care of the guards," Jasmine said. "After all, I'm the princess, I can order them to leave us alone."

"Oh, right," Aladdin said. He smiled down at her. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

Jasmine blinked up at him coyly. "You mean, it wasn't for my beauty, charm and grace?"

"No, those are only the reasons why I love you," Aladdin said, looking deeply into her eyes.

Sadira turned away sadly. She kept telling herself that she was over her crush on Aladdin, but sometimes she found herself a little hard to convince. Fortunately, Iago came to her rescue.

"Oh, come ON! I'd rather read more dusty books than put up with your mush! Either get back to work or let's take this stuff to the palace and eat!!!" the peppery parrot squalled.

"Oh, right," Aladdin said. Jasmine moved away with a rueful smile and started looking for something that looked like it wouldn't be damaged by a trip to the palace. "Maybe we should just look through Jafar's stuff while we're there," she suggested.

Abu swarmed onto Aladdin's shoulder and pointed towards the ceiling. Aladdin looked where Abu pointed and spotted three tablets on a high shelf. "What are those?" he asked, pointing.

Sadira looked and said: "Oh, those are some bronze tablets. I couldn't lift them down."

"Who'd put such heavy tablets on such a high shelf?" Jasmine wondered.

"Somebody who didn't want them to be easy to get to," Genie theorized.

"I'll get them," Aladdin said. He stretched his arms up, but couldn't quite reach. So he reared up and grasped the top tablet. "Wow, these are heavy!"

Carpet flew over to assist. Aladdin pulled the first tablet over the edge of the shelf and dropped it onto Carpet. Carpet dropped to the floor with a thud. "Sorry, Carpet," Aladdin said. He started to drop to all fours to check on his friend, then lost his balance. He fell against the bookcase... Then fell through the bookcase. The lower shelves and wall disappeared with a crash, and the shelf with the two remaining bronze tablets cracked and spilled its contents.

"Look out!" yelled Genie. He zapped the falling tablets into feather pillows that merely bounced off Aladdin's hindquarters.

"Aladdin!" Jasmine cried. She and the others rushed to Aladdin.

"I'm okay," was Aladdin's rather muffled reply.

Genie pulled him out from the wall and put him on his feet. "Tell me you didn't break anything," he pleaded.

"Only the wall," Aladdin said. "There's a secret compartment behind this bookcase."

"Oh, cool!" said Genie. "There must be a secret door in the bookcase! I wonder how you're SUPPOSED to open it?"

Carpet waved feebly from the floor.

"Oops, sorry, Rug-man," Genie said. He picked the heavy bronze tablet off of the Magic Carpet and absently stuck it into a pocket. "You okay, Rug-man?"

Carpet doubled over, like a man holding his stomach.

"Carpet?" Jasmine said with concern. She touched him gently.

"Are you hurt?" Aladdin asked.

Carpet shook his upper half `no'.

"You can't be winded," squawked Iago. "You don't have any lungs to get the breath knocked out of."

Carpet shook his upper half `no,' again. Then he slowly straightened out. Everyone gasped when they saw the damage. "Carpet, you've been slimed!" cried Genie.

"That's verdigris, not slime," Jasmine corrected. Then she shook her head. Like Genie didn't know that. "We'll get you cleaned up at the Palace," she told Carpet.

After being assured that no one was hurt, Sadira turned her attention back to the broken bookcase. "Before we leave, can we see what's behind this bookcase?"

"Oh, sure thing, Sadira," Genie said. He puffed himself into a deerstalker hat and Inverness cape and examined the bookcase through a magnifying glass. "Ah, ha! Here's the latch!" he said triumphantly. He touched a panel and the bookcase grumbled open a fraction, then stopped. "I think it's broken," Genie said. "Watson, I think we need to apply a little muscle here."

Aladdin deduced that he was Watson and helped Genie pry the bookcase all the way open. Abu and Iago scrambled for seats on Aladdin's shoulders as everyone peered into the hidden compartment and saw...

"It's only a vanity!" muttered Iago when he got a good look at the only piece of furniture in the hidden alcove.

"It's a dressing table," Jasmine corrected. She stepped back to let Sadira get in to look. Sadira walked in and grinned at her reflection. "Au, I never suspected the witches cared what they looked like. This is nice."

Genie laughed and puffed himself into a white jumpsuit covered with rhinestones. Suddenly he had hair that was even blacker and poofier than Aladdin's. "Thank'ew, ah, thank'ew verra much," he drawled.

The others chuckled at his Elvis impersonation, even though they had no idea who Elvis might be. Encouraged, Genie puffed into a female wearing a long, black robe and a crown. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?"

The chuckles this invoked were silenced when something else was also invoked. Flames that were not reflections of anything in the room leapt in the mirror. Aladdin took a step back and instinctively pushed Jasmine behind him. Genie puffed into his usual form, took a step forward and moved in front of Sadira. Iago and Abu jumped for the safety of the Magic Carpet who backed away.

The flames died down and a floating green mask appeared. The blackness of space could be seen behind it, and only blackness showed from beneath its hooded eyelids. "I am the genie of the mirror," the mask intoned gravely. "What do you wish of..."

Sadira stepped around Genie to get a better look. The Mask's speech stopped abruptly and its eyes popped out from where-ever they had been hidden. "Great googly-moogly, Man!" the Mask yelped at Genie. "You have to ask me who the fairest in the land is when you're standing next to HER?!!"

Just then, Jasmine pushed her way past Aladdin and into the Mask's line of sight.

The Mask's jaw dropped for a few seconds. Then it regained its composure and spoke in more solemn tones. "I see your predicament, cousin," it said.

"Actually, we're not interested in having you judge a beauty contest," Sadira spoke up. She was sure she'd lose anyway, so why worry about it? It never occurred to her that other people might have other opinions on the matter. "We'd really like you to tell us how to turn Aladdin back into a human being." She gestured at Aladdin.

The others moved away and the Mask's gaze moved to Aladdin. "I see a rather awkward blending of Sand Magic and Jinn magic."

"Do you know how to undo it?" Genie asked.

The Mask's black gaze switched to Genie's face. "I believe I've seen this sort of tangle before. But it has been many millennia and I do not recall the remedy at present."

Aladdin sighed. "Darn," he said, speaking for them all.

"I will need time to search my memory," intoned the Mask. "If you would come back in the morning, I will have the answer prepared for you."

Everyone perked up. "You will? Thanks!" Aladdin said.

"No thanks are needed, I am but doing my duty," intoned the Mask. "I will need privacy and silence for my cogitations."

"Should we close the bookcase again?" asked Sadira.

"I would rather you didn't," said the Mask.

"Then I guess we might as well go get something to eat," ventured Iago, more subdued than usual. Something about the Mask reminded him of Jafar.

"That would be an excellent idea," the Mask intoned.

***

Back at the Palace, they filled the Sultan in on what had happened while they ate a picnic dinner out in the menagerie.

"I don't like that thing," Iago whined. "It talks like Jafar."

The Sultan scowled. "It couldn't have anything to do with that traitor, could it?" he asked Genie.

Genie was silent for a long while, then answered slowly and with unwonted seriousness. "No, not THAT traitor," he hesitated, then continued. "But Iago's right. There's something... wrong."

"Why is the genie confined to a mirror?" Aladdin asked. "That sounds even worse than being confined to a lamp!"

Genie shook his head. "I don't know, kid," he said. "That's what's worrying me."

"Do you think it's safe for Sadira to go home?" asked Jasmine.

"Oh, sure," Genie said. "There is no way the Genie of the Mirror can harm her."

"Good," Sadira said. "Then maybe I can help him find the cure for Aladdin. And maybe it can help me learn magic."

"It probably can," Genie said. Then he added brightly: "Maybe he can get the nasty verdigris stain off of carpet, too!"

"Oh, I saw a spell for that," Sadira said. To Carpet she added: "If you think you can trust me. This was a carpet cleaning spell."

Carpet shrugged and after dinner, he returned with Sadira to the Sanctuary.

"Welcome home, My Lady," the Mask intoned as Sadira prepared the carpet cleaning spell.

Sadira blushed. "I'm not a lady, I'm just a former thief turned witch-wannabe."

The Mask moved side to side in a negating motion. "You do yourself an injustice, My Mistress," it intoned. "Only a very special person could have won her way to the heart of this Sanctuary."

"Well, it was pure luck on my part," Sadira confessed. "I was just trying to escape from the guards when I a trap door opened under my feet and dropped me here."

"It was no coincidence that it was you who was precipitated here," the Mask said with certainty. "This is your destiny."

Sadira sighed. "I wish my destiny had a little more romance in it, too. Not that I'm not grateful for what I have," she added hastily. "It certainly beats living on the streets!"

"I see," the Mask said thoughtfully. "What of the young man who is currently in the form of a centaur? Might not you get your romance from him?"

"From Aladdin? No, he is engaged to Princess Jasmine," Sadira explained. "I tried to take him away from her once... well, actually it was three times, but he loves her and she loves him and that's all there is to it." She sighed and looked wistful. "Besides, I am over my crush on him."

"Indeed?" the Mask fell silent and Sadira succeeded in cleaning the verdigris off of Carpet without doing any damage what-so-ever.

She felt very pleased with herself. "I need to return the carpet to Aladdin," she said. "I'll be right back."

"It would be better if I were alone tonight," the Mask said. "If that won't inconvenience you, My Mistress."

Sadira cocked her head. "Oh, no, of course not. I can stay with Jasmine."

The Mask nodded slightly. "Good night, My Mistress."

"Good night, Mirror," said Sadira.

***

The next morning, they gathered in the Sanctuary to find out if the Mask had remembered the cure.

"I did not discovered the remedy I was seeking in my memory," the Mask informed them. "However, I have uncovered a spell that should serve."

"Oh, where have I heard that one before?" Iago muttered. The Mask turned its black gaze upon the parrot and Iago hid behind Carpet.

"It is a simple mirror spell," the Mask intoned. "Once cast, it will give the subject the same form as the caster. But it must be cast by the same person who turned the boy into a centaur."

Aladdin cocked his head warily. "You mean, if Sadira casts it on me, I'll turn into a human?"

"Yes."

"A human male or a human female?" asked Jasmine.

Aladdin's eyes went wide. "Good question, Jasmine. He looked at the mirror. "I really don't want to be a female," he said.

The Mask smiled slightly. "I assure you, it won't change anybody's gender."

Aladdin looked at Genie uncertainly. "What do you think?"

Genie frowned. "Can I see this spell?"

A set of diagrams appeared in place of the Mask. It showed a four pictures of a woman making gestures. Genie squinted at it then smacked his forehead. "Oh, of course! I should have remembered this one!"

The mask reappeared and smiled slightly. "I have reason to remember mirror spells," it said dryly.

"Well, it should work, Al," Genie said.

"Where..." Iago started. The Mask looked in his direction and Iago shut up.

"Okay, let's see those gestures again," Sadira said. The diagrams appeared again. "Those look easy enough," Sadira said. "No words?"

"None," replied the Mask's voice.

"Then stand back, everyone," Sadira said. She copied the gestures of the woman in the diagram. For a few moments, nothing happened, then everything went black. When their eyes cleared, they looked hopefully at Aladdin.

He was still a centaur.

"Oh, crud," said Sadira. "I don't think that came out right."

Everyone looked at Sadira... who was now a centaur.

To Be Continued

Back to index

Chapter 3: Answers

Disney's Aladdin:

If Witches Were Horses, Part 3 of 4

By Jill Weber

Disclaimer: The Aladdin characters and City of Agrabah are copyrighted by Disney Corporation and are used without permission or intent to make a profit.

Genie glared at the mirror and began to swell up. "What did you do, you two faced..."

"Easy, cousin," the Mask soothed. "I..."

"Don't 'cousin' me, you incompetent nincompoop!" Genie howled.

"Who are you calling a nincompoop, you... you... low wattage excuse for a genie!" snarled the Mask. "If you hadn't botched the spell to turn the boy from a horse to a human..."

Jasmine stepped between the two furious genies, thus demonstrating she had as much common sense as Aladdin. (None.) "Calm down," she said. "Yelling at each other won't solve anything. We have to figure out what went wrong!"

Sadira was staring at her hands unhappily. "I don't understand it," she said. "I did the gestures JUST like they were in the mirror..." her voice trailed off. She gave Jasmine a sideways look, then she gave one to Aladdin.

"Mirror," said all three.

"What?" Iago demanded.

"Mirrors show things in reverse," Jasmine explained.

Genie slapped his forehead. "Oh, sh... oot!" he said. "Why didn't I think of that!"

"Because you're an idiot!" proclaimed the genie of the mirror.

Genie puffed into a large housecat, who bristled at the mirror. "Hey! You're the one who showed the gestures in reverse!"

"YOU TWO ARE BOTH INCOMPETENT!" howled Iago, flapping out from behind Carpet.

"YOU DIDN'T THINK OF IT EITHER," howled Aladdin, sending Iago and Abu both fleeing for safety behind Carpet.

This calmed Genie down faster than any soothing words. "Um, Al, remember, you're the even tempered, main character, hero type." Genie turned into a caped crusader type to emphasize his point. "Why don't you leave the yelling to the funny sidekicks." Genie tried to put his arm around Aladdin's shoulders, but Aladdin shook him off.

Aladdin's face was flushed and his fists were clenched. "Don't patronize me!" he yelled at Genie. Then he caught sight of himself in the mirror. That, plus the stunned expression on Jasmine's face shocked him. He wheeled, buried his face in his hands and walked away from the others. After a few moments, he felt calm enough to try to talk. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

The Mask had the grace to look abashed. "It's my fault," he said. "It's been centuries since I interacted with the outside world. I forgot that I was reversed with respect to reality." The Mask shook side to side mournfully. "I can't blame you for being angry at me."

Aladdin shook his head and spoke without looking at them. "I'm not mad at you," he said in sorrowful tones. "I'm just mad. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Abu made 'aww' noises and scrambled to his usual perch on Aladdin's shoulder. Jasmine walked over and looped her arm through his and leaned her head against his biceps since he was too tall for her to rest her head against his shoulder. Sadira turned away and told herself once again that she was over her crush on Aladdin.

Fortunately, once again Iago came to her rescue. "Hey! Do we have to put up with the mush every time something bad happens!"

Carpet whapped his fanny, forcing Iago to find somewhere else to hide. The parrot elected to take refuge with Sadira. "Can we get out of here?" he asked from the safety of Sadira's shoulder.

"Sure, Iago," Sadira said. "I need to get a little fresh air."

"I'm sure fresh air will do you all good," the Mask said. "I'll endeavor to find a remedy for my grievous error."

Aladdin sighed. "I suppose just doing the spell correctly won't work?" he asked, hoping for a negative answer, but expecting the one he got.

"I'm afraid not, young sir," the Mask said. "The spell was to make the subject the same species as the caster. As Mistress Sadira is now a centaur..."

"The only thing she can turn anybody into is another centaur," Aladdin sighed. "It figures. Come on, let's go to the market, I'm starving." He half turned to Jasmine and said. "Would you care for a ride, Your Highness?"

Jasmine laughed. "I would be delighted, my good man."

A flick of Genie's finger and there was a sidesaddle on Aladdin's back. Carpet flew over and formed into stairs so Jasmine could step up and take a seat.

They walked through the underground passages while Sadira got her 'horse legs.' It didn't take her nearly as long as it had taken Aladdin, a fact Iago pointed out quickly, and snidely.

"Yes," Genie said thoughtfully. "I noticed that Sadira's adjustment was quicker. I also noticed that she didn't lose her clothes when she changed form."

The three humans shot Genie a startled look.

"Do you suppose the mirror did this on purpose?" Jasmine asked.

Genie frowned. "I don't know," he said. "I don't know why he would do such a thing. He doesn't appear to have a motive."

They walked into the alley ways, then into the market place in thoughtful silence. Their reverie was interrupted by Omar the fruit merchant. "Oh, no, not another one!"

They all looked around. "Another what, Omar?" asked Aladdin.

"Another centaur!" howled Omar. The tubby merchant was scowling at Sadira. "So, what, you decided to dump the princess and raise a family of street centaurs to bedevil us?"

"You take that back!" Aladdin growled, grabbing Omar by the front of his shirt and picking him up.

"Aladdin!" Jasmine cried in alarm. She slid off Aladdin's back and ran up to get between him and Omar. Unnoticed, the sidesaddle quietly vanished.

"Well, better he should marry his fellow street rat than the princess!" a snooty woman's voice said.

Sadira whirled to face the speaker, a heavy set woman with swarthy skin. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

Just as Jasmine reached up to grab Aladdin's wrist, Omar took back the offense. He grabbed a cucumber from a nearby cart and whacked Aladdin in the face with it.

"Hey!" Farouk, the big bellied, heavily bearded vegetable seller yelled. "That's my cucumber! Use your own wares, Omar! They're not much good for anything else, anyway!"

"A princess should marry a prince," the snooty woman continued. "Street rats should marry street mice!"

"Who are you calling a MOUSE!" howled Sadira. She gave the woman a shove.

The snooty woman hit Sadira in the face with her basket.

Farouk grabbed the cucumber from Omar's hand, studied it, decided that it was ruined and whacked Omar over the head with it.

Omar twisted in Aladdin's grip and grabbed the cucumber back. "Are you saying my fruit isn't what it ought to be!" he howled and whacked Farouk with the battered cucumber, which broke open.

Aladdin released his hold on Omar and gave him a push that caused the fat merchant to stumble against the fish cart. "All he's saying is that people don't LIKE little green worms!" Aladdin taunted.

"Speaking of worms," Sadira growled, advancing on the snooty woman and forcing her to back up to a cart that was parked next to the fish vendor's stall. "Isn't it time for you to crawl back under your rock?" she gave the snooty woman another shove and she fell into the cart, which turned out to be filled with eggs.

"Worms!" howled Omar. "I'll show you WORMS!" he grabbed several fish off the cart and threw them at Aladdin and Farouk.

"Hey! MY fish don't have worms in them!" the fishmonger howled. He grabbed up a handful of fish guts from the fish he'd been cleaning and threw them in Omar's general direction. Fish guts splattered all over everyone.

"You filthy son-of-a-camel!" yelled Aladdin. He grabbed a cantaloupe off Omar's cart and heaved it at the fish vendor.

"If you WORKED, you'd get dirty, too, street rat!" the fishmonger bellowed as he reached into the egg cart. He grabbed an egg and threw it at Aladdin. Aladdin dodged and the egg nailed Iago.

"Awright!" snarled Iago, shaking egg yolk from his feathers. "Nobody throws MY relatives around with impunity!" He grabbed an orange from Omar's cart and heaved it at the fishmonger.

The snooty woman staggered out of the egg cart just in time to catch the orange in the face.

Abu laughed and pointed at the snooty woman. Iago nailed him with an orange just on principle.

Abu shrieked and grabbed a handful of grapes and threw them at Iago. He missed Iago, but hit a man who was coming out of a wine shop carrying two wine skins. The man with the wine skins shook the grapes from his eyes, then gaped at the damage. "My eggs!" he howled. "Somebody ruined my eggs!"

"Well, if you're stupid enough to leave eggs sitting around where decent people can trip on them, they deserve to be ruined!" snarled the snooty woman.

The man with the wine skins opened one and sprayed wine at the snooty woman, incidentally dousing Abu and Carpet.

Abu grabbed an armful of bananas and jumped onto Carpet, who soared above the crowd so Abu could start a rain of bananas on his victims.

"Wowee! Food fight!" Genie cried. He looked around to see what mischief he could create.

Two shoppers were pummeling Aladdin with bags of rice, so Genie started there. He pointed a finger and seconds later, Aladdin had a large jar of milk. "Goat milk!?" he cried as he dowsed his attackers.

Sadira and Omar had taken refuge behind Farouk's stand and were pelting Iago and Farouk with Farouk's goods. Farouk and Iago ducked for cover behind Omar's fruit cart and started returning fire with Omar's goods. The fishmonger was throwing eggs at Aladdin from behind the egg cart while the eggs' owner was spraying everyone in sight with wine.

The wine seller came out in time to get a banana in the face from Abu. He ran back inside, only to emerge moments later with an apronful of his wife's falafel, which he began to throw at random. His wife rushed out to rescue her falafel and got a faceful of egg from the fishmonger. She grabbed a chicken from a nearby stand and started chasing the snooty woman, whom she'd never liked anyway, around the marble fountain in the center of the square.

Jasmine stood in the middle of the market place and bellowed at the top of her lungs. "Will you all just QUIT THIS!"

Her words got an instant response. Within seconds, she looked like fruit salad with legs.

Jasmine wiped the orange out of her eyes and glared around. "Now you did, you went and made me MAD. Genie!" she held up her hands. She had NO idea what to expect, but she knew Genie would come up with something good.

"Et voila," he said. "Or is that EAT voila?" he murmured. "I could never keep my tenses straight." He waved his hand and in a showers of sparkles, Jasmine changed. She was now wearing a colorful sarong, on her head was a pile of fruit that would make Carmen Miranda green with envy.

Genie folded himself up like origami and fell into Jasmine's arms and Jasmine found herself holding the biggest Genuine-true-blue-Genie-fruit-zooka that had ever existed. (Genie aside to the audience: "It's probably the only Genuine- true- blue- Genie- fruit- zooka that has ever existed, but why quibble over details?")

Jasmine cocked her Genuine- true- blue- Genie- fruit- zooka and grinned evilly. "Okay, guys, it's PAYBACK time."

Before she could open fire, a shadow fell over the market place. "Party pooper!" mutter the Genuine- true- blue- Genie- fruit- zooka

"Mekhanikles!" hissed Jasmine.

"Same difference," Genie muttered.

"What a mess!" howled Mekhanikles. He popped the hatch of his latest creation, a giant black stealth lobster and surveyed the scene.

"Dang!" Genie said. "I forgot to set my giant mechanical lobster traps!"

"You barbarians!" Mekhanikles' mechanical eye telescoped out of his head. "Who's going to clean up this mess?!?"

Jasmine slanted a look at her Genuine- true- blue- Genie- fruit- zooka, grinned, took aim and fired. She wasn't the only one, either. Mekhanikles found himself pelted with food from all sides.

"You're getting my baby filthy!" shrieked Mekhanikles, making a futile effort to wipe the food off his latest creation with his stola. Aladdin threw a watermelon that splattered all over the mechanical lobster.

"Fiend!" shrieked Mekhanikles. "You ruined my favorite tunic!" The pencil necked Greek slithered back into his cockpit and slammed the hatch. "Okay, you want to play with your food?" he shrieked. "Then let's turn this picnic into a BARBECUE!"

Suddenly the giant lobster lobbed a fireball at the marketplace. Jasmine's Genuine- true- blue- Genie- fruit- zooka squirted out of her hands and became Genie with a baseball bat. Suddenly the marketplace became a baseball diamond and Genie swatted the fireball over the left field wall.

"Foul!" cried Mekhanikles.

A Genie umpire and a Genie catcher appeared behind Genie batter. "Strike One!" called Umpire Genie.

Batter Genie gave Umpire Genie a reproachful look. "Whose side are you on?" Batter Genie demanded. Catcher Genie shrugged.

Batter Genie tapped home plate and wiggled into position. Mekhanikles went into his wind up.

Meanwhile, Aladdin, Sadira and Jasmine were evacuating the bystanders. "No, don't stop to look or pick up your belongings," snarled Aladdin. "Just RUN!"

Suddenly, Base Runner Genie was stealing second. Mekhanikles tried to throw him out, but Base Runner Genie slid into second. "Safe!" called Second Base Umpire Genie.

"What!" Mekhanikles yelped. He popped out of the lobster's hatch, whipped out a scroll and began to write, muttering all the while. "Memo to self, invent eyeglasses for blind umpires!" He put the scroll away, slammed the hatch shut and the giant lobster went into its windup.

Mekhanikles threw a brush back pitch and all the Genies charged the mound. Aladdin grabbed Jasmine and tossed her onto Carpet with Abu. Iago flapped up to join them, having determined that Carpet was the safest place to be in an emergency.

The giant lobster grabbed Umpire Genie and Second Plate Umpire Genie and balled them up and threw them into Trash Can Genie. "Kill the ump!" Mekhanikles howled triumphantly.

"Everybody's a critic," Trash Can Genie sulked. Genie pulled himself together, only to get backhanded by the giant lobster's claw.

Genie was bowled over and hit eight of the ten Bowling Pin Genies. A flock of Song Bird Genies flew around his head, tweeting. Then the baseball diamond turned back into the Agrabah market place. Only now all the bystanders were long gone. All except for Aladdin, Jasmine, Sadira, Carpet, Abu and Iago.

Genie sighed. "Mortals," he muttered to himself. "When are they going to learn to RUN AWAY!?" Then Mekhanikles blasted him again and he keeled over.

"We have to help Genie," Jasmine cried.

"Are you crazy?" Iago said. "Genie's immortal, Mekhanikles can't hurt him!"

Jasmine gave him a dirty look.

"I have an idea," Sadira said. "Remember that stew I made a few weeks ago?"

Iago scowled at her. "You mean that stinky, foul, disgusting..." Suddenly he grinned. "Oh, yeah. As a culinary creation..."

Sadira interrupted. "It makes a great weapon. C'mon, all the ingredients are around here somewhere." They scattered.

They put everything together into a big pot. "Well, it won't be quite the same without cooking it," Sadira said. "We'll have to fake it." She used her powers to mix all the ingredients together with a generous dollop of sand. When it was finished, Sadira had a stink bomb approximately the size of a basketball. (And yes, thanks to Genie, she did know what a basketball was. She was actually pretty good at the sport, although she preferred soccer. Come to think of it, the stink bomb was also the size of a soccer ball.)

Jasmine grabbed the stinkball and jumped onto Carpet. "Let's go, Carpet!" she cried, thus demonstrating for the second or third time that day that she had no common sense. Iago and Abu bailed as Carpet took off to do Jasmine's bidding.

"Jasmine! Watch out for his nets!" Aladdin cried after her.

"I remember the nets," Jasmine muttered under her breath. Sometimes Aladdin treated her like she had NO common sense!

Mekhanikles' popped out of the hatch on top of the giant lobster as Jasmine approached. His mechanical eye telescoped out as she easily evaded the waving lobster claws and various nets and snares that shot out of various apertures. "Ah, the brave princess, come to avenge the death of your poofy haired fiancé, no doubt! Well, my dear, I'll be happy to send you off to JOIN HIM!"

Two large scimitars popped out from the lobsters antenna and slashed at Jasmine. With a boost from Carpet, she leaped into the air and slam dunked the stinkball onto Mekhanikles head. Carpet swooped up to catch her, then he booked out of there like his tassels were on fire.

Then they were on fire, because one of Mekhanikles' fireballs found its mark.

Mekhanikles wiped stew out of his eyes and took better aim with his second fireball. One that would do more than singe the fringes of that dratted carpet!

Genie shook the effects of the last fireball off just in time to see Mekhanikles singe Carpet. With a growl, he picked himself up and changed into... a chef's outfit. He materialized a butcher knife in one hand and a cleaver in the other.

"Today, on the Iron Chef, the theme ingredient is... LOBSTER!" He charged between Mekhanikles and the fleeing Magic Carpet as Mekhanikles lobbed another fireball. "The crowds in Kitchen Stadium go wild as Iron Chef Genie..." He turned himself into a giant robot. "... takes on the challenger, Chef Mekhanikles of Loonytoonville. Iron Chef Genie makes an interesting dish of hot fireball..."

Another Genie arm appeared holding a frying pan. The frying pan intercepted the fireball, whereupon Genie used his butcher knife, meat cleaver -- and several other hands armed with such cooking utensils as a whisk, a spatula, a jackhammer, and an outboard motor -- sliced, diced, chopped, whipped, blended, filleted, and pureed the fireball

with a delicious blend of black pepper, green pepper, red pepper, cayenne pepper, chili pepper, bell peppers, jalepeno peppers, Dr. Pepper and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band into a tasty sauce and fired it back at Mekhanikles.

Mekhanikles just managed to get the stinkball off his head when the hot sauce hit the stinkball. The stinkball burst into odorous flames. Mekhanikles threw it away from him. It would have fallen harmlessly to the sand below except Genie snapped off a slapshot with his trusty frying pan turned hockey stick and dropped it neatly into the lobster's hatch -- where it exploded and rendered the interior unfit for human habitation.

"You ruined my baby!" wailed Mekhanikles. "Do you know how long it takes to make one of these things!" His favorite mechanical beetle, Scooter, swooped by and carried Mekhanikles off to safety.

"I'll settle your hash another day!" howled Mekhanikles, shaking his fist as he escaped. Then he whipped out his scroll and muttered as he wrote: "Memo to self, settle Genie's hash another day."

Meanwhile, Jasmine steered Carpet to a landing in the fountain, much to Sadira's relief, which put out the fire, much to Carpet's relief. Sadira helped Jasmine out of the fountain. Aladdin ran over and grabbed his beloved princess and shook her like a rag doll. "What were you thinking?" he bellowed at her. "You could have been killed!"

Carpet crawled out of the fountain, shaking water off in all directions like a two dimensional dog. Aladdin reared up and screamed at him. "You IDIOT! You took Jasmine into danger!" He brought his front hooves down and trampled Carpet into the ground. "IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT!" he howled.

"Aladdin stop, you're hurting me!" Jasmine cried.

Aladdin froze and looked at her in alarm. "Jasmine?" he said in a very small voice.

Genie came sailing up behind him. "Um, Al? I think the fire is out now," he said diffidently.

Aladdin lowered Jasmine to the ground and backed away, hands over his mouth and a look of horror on his face. Genie swooped over to him and put an arm around his shoulders. "Easy, Al, it's not your fault! This is the centaur's reactions, not yours."

"I could hurt somebody," Aladdin whispered. "I can't control myself. Genie, what am I going to do?" he wailed, and then he passed out.

He woke up in a cool, dark place. After a few moments, he recognized it as Sadira's sanctuary. He shook his head and tried to sit up.

"Easy, Al," Genie said soothingly.

"Genie? What am I going to do? I can't go on like this!" Aladdin made another effort to sit up, but Genie pushed him down.

"You should take it easy, boy," the genie of the mirror advised kindly. "You have been unconscious all morning. You need to rest."

"All morning?" he looked around for Jasmine. The strain on her face told him the mirror spoke the truth. "Jasmine, I..."

"Shh," she said, laying a finger across his lips. "Take it easy, we're still working on a cure." She smiled and added brightly. "Genie's gone through all the books in Agrabah by now, he's even consulted Fashir, that old witch in the market place, several fortune tellers, tarot cards, tea leaves, a crystal ball... I'm sure he'll come up with something soon!"

Something in Genie's face told Aladdin that his friend had already 'come up' with something, and the former street rat bet himself it was something bad.

All Genie said was, "Just relax and leave the work to us, kid." Which told Aladdin that things were really bad. Genie only called him "kid" when he was upset.

Genie started fussing, swooping around Sadira's sanctuary gathering up blankets and pillows to make Aladdin more comfortable. Aladdin shook his head. "Genie?"

Genie continued to swoop.

"GENIE!" Aladdin barked.

Genie froze with a pillow clutched between his hands. "What?" Genie said.

Aladdin had been ready to confront Genie with his suspicions, then suddenly didn't want to discuss them in front of Jasmine. He searched for something else to say. The pillow in Genie's hands gave him a topic. "It looks like there's writing on that pillow," he said, pointing.

Genie looked at the pillow he was holding in surprise. "Oh, so there is," he turned the pillow over in his hands. "I wonder where this came from?"

"Isn't that one of the bronze tablets that almost fell on Aladdin when we were looking through Sadira's library?" Jasmine asked.

Genie cocked his head. Unnoticed, the Mask in the mirror began to look worried. "I think you're right, Jaz," he said, grateful for something to take his mind off his growing horror. He flipped the pillow around in his hands. Then there was a shower of sparkles and the pillow was a bronze tablet again. "This looks like part two of three," he said. He grinned at Jasmine. "How's your High Atlanticean?"

"Rusty," Jasmine said, forcing herself to make a joke. "Where are parts one and three?" she asked.

They all looked around. "Here's one of them," Aladdin said, pulling a pillow out from a foreleg and handing it to Genie.

This pillow transformed into a tablet as soon as it touched Genie's hands. "Hm, Linear B," Genie mused. "What was wrong with Linear A?" he muttered. "Now where's that third tablet?"

Carpet pointed at Genie.

Abu pointed at Genie.

"They're right," Iago squawked. "You put it in your pocket."

Genie slapped his forehead. "Oh, yeah, that's right." He dug it out of his pocket. "Ah, good old Arabic," he said cheerfully. As he read it, his cheerfulness dropped away. Then he glared at the genie of the mirror, who winced.

"You disgusting pervert! No wonder you got put in the mirror!"

"Why? What did he do?"

"He broke two of the three basic Genie laws!" snarled Genie.

"Did he kill...?" Sadira asked, wide eyed.

"No," Genie said sarcastically. "He managed to miss that one. First, he cast a love spell on Prince Farahd al Jamal several thousand years ago so that Prince Farahd would fall in love with the mistress of the mirror, who was the leader of the witch of the sands."

"But Prince Farahd al Jamal was in love with his wife, who wasn't a witch," Jasmine paused. " At least, she wasn't a witch in the story that I read. But that story is very old, it might not be accurate."

"Apparently, the spell went awry," Genie said, running his finger down the tablet. "So instead of falling in love with the witch of the sands, he fell in love with the wife he had to marry for political reasons."

"So, it wasn't the romantic love match I'd always heard about?" Jasmine sighed.

"No, they were in love," the Mask sighed. "That's why my spell didn't work."

A look of horror was dawning on Sadira's face.

"Well, even though it went wrong, he still cast the spell, which got him into deep donkey doo-doo with the Genie Audit Board," Genie said. He scowled. "Oh, lovely, not content with that misstep, after Prince Farahd died, he tried to bring him back to life!"

They all looked at the mirror. "It seemed like a good idea at the time!" the mirror said defensively. "My poor mistress was so upset."

"You two shekel, treacherous..." Genie started.

"You did it on purpose," Sadira said, stopping Genie's tirade, although her voice was barely more than a whisper.

Now everyone was looking at her.

"I told you that I was over my crush on Aladdin, but you didn't believe me, did you?" she had to brace herself with all four legs because she had started shaking like a leaf. "He'd be cured by now, but YOU LIED! You didn't FORGET you were reversed! You reversed the spell ON PURPOSE!"

"I..." the Mask didn't get a chance to finish.

"You MONSTER!" howled Genie. Infuriated, Genie drew back his arm to hurl the bronze tablet at the mirror.

"No!" Aladdin cried. He lunged forward and grabbed onto Genie's right arm. His centaur's strength actually allowed him to halt Genie in mid throw. "No, I think we've had enough violence for today."

"Good thought, boy," the Mask said shaken. "Breaking a magic mirror will bring you seven hundred and seventy-seven years of bad luck," the shaken genie of the mirror said.

"Maybe I don't care," Genie said in a deadly calm voice.

Iago, Abu and Carpet drew back from him in alarm. Genie was being too quiet, it was like the calm before the storm, and they were sure they didn't want to know what the storm was about.

Jasmine reached over and touched his left arm. "Genie? What's wrong?"

"Everything," Genie said, sinking to the ground as if exhausted. "We have to find a cure for Al," he added quietly.

"We'll find something," Jasmine said, patting him on the shoulder and looking anxiously at Aladdin. "It's just a matter of time."

"But we don't have time, Jasmine," Aladdin said.

Genie looked at Aladdin and tears started to trickle down his cheeks.

Aladdin took a deep breath. "I'm dying, aren't I? That's what's causing these mood swings, isn't it? And that's why I passed out in the market, and that's why you're so sick with worry."

"Yes," Genie said in a very small voice. "And I killed you."

"What!" Sadira said. "It's not YOUR fault. I'M the one who turned him into a horse..."

Genie silenced her with a shake of the head. "But there was nothing wrong with the horse," he said. "The deterioration didn't start until *I* turned him into a centaur." He buried his face in his hands. "I'm the one who's killing him."

There was a long period of silence.

Sadira looked at the Genie of the mirror. "Congratulations," she said. "You'll soon be three for three."

The Mask actually paled. "What do you mean?"

"Well, if Aladdin is dying and I'm a mirror image of Aladdin's deteriorating form..." she let them do the math for themselves.

"Oh, my god," said the Mask. "What have I done?"

"Hopefully, something that can still be undone," Jasmine said. She put her hands to her hips and spoke firmly. "Look, we're not beaten yet, let's save the weepy faces for the funerals, if any." She looked at the genie of the mirror and demanded. "You said that the mirror image spell was NOT the spell you were originally seeking. What happened to that first spell? Did it ever exist?"

The Mask hesitated for a few long moments. Then finally, it sighed. "It turned out not to be a spell, but a talisman. But this talisman is impossible for you to get to."

Jasmine tapped her foot. "Listen, buster, my fiancé discovered a Magic Carpet, freed a genie and persuaded MY FATHER to change his mind! I don't BELIEVE in impossible anymore. So where is this talisman?"

The Mask made a face. "It's in the center of a labyrinth that nothing living and nothing magical can enter. Impossible enough for you?"

Aladdin started laughing.

Everyone looked at him worriedly, but Aladdin wasn't in hysterics. It was genuine amusement.

"What's so funny, Al?" Genie asked.

"Yeah, share it with the rest of us," Iago demanded. "We could use a good laugh."

Aladdin shook his head, sending his hair flying in all directions. "Nothing living and nothing magical," he repeated.

"Which leaves what?" Sadira inquired.

"Who were we just fighting?" Aladdin asked.

Jasmine frowned. "Mekhanik... les..." There was a period of silence while that sank in, then everybody broke into smiles.

"His machines are neither magic nor living," Aladdin explained to the genie of the mirror. "And yet, they follow his orders and do his dirty work for him." He rubbed his hands together. "I think it's time to pay a visit to the self proclaimed greatest of the great Greek geniuses."

Genie puffed himself into a deerstalker hat and Inverness cape. "The game's afoot, Watson!"

*To Be Concluded Next Time!*

Back to index

Chapter 4: Showtime!

Disney's Aladdin:

If Witches Were Horses, Part 4 of 4

By Jill Weber

(Disclaimer: The Aladdin characters and City of Agrabah are copyrighted by Disney Corporation and are used without permission or intent to make a profit.)

(Disclaimer: The Aladdin characters and City of Agrabah are copyrighted by Disney Corporation and are used without permission or intent to make a profit.)

"Okay, so what's this talisman and where is this maze that's so impossible to get into?" Jasmine demanded.

"It's called the Stone of Conquest, and it can conquer anything, including a healing spell gone awry, Princess," the Genie of the Mirror answered slowly. "The Maze is in the Mountains of Despair . No man living knows where that is."

Aladdin turned to Carpet. "Do YOU know where it is?"

Carpet indicated that he did.

The Mask made a face. "You really know how to get around these restrictions, don't you?" he asked Aladdin.

Aladdin shrugged. "After getting around the 'princess must marry a prince' restriction, something like this is easy. After all, you did say 'no living man'. That not only leaves Carpet, it leaves half the human race!"

The Mask blinked. "Half... oh, women of course."

Genie waddled over wearing dark bushy eyebrows and a fake nose and moustache attached to plastic glasses. "Not to mention, boys, girls, genies, certain mouthy parrots and a large selection of maps from Rand McNally." He wiggled his eyebrows and blew smoke from a large 'cigar.'

"How are we going to convince Mekhanikles to help us?" Sadira asked, pacing restlessly. She had to admit, a horse's body was nice for walking around in. She didn't think she could do much acrobatics in it, though. Even without the possibility of dying, she'd rather have her own body back.

"We have to convince Mekhanikles that he needs the stone,"Jasmine said. "But how?"

"Let's figure that out after we've paid Mekhanikles a visit." Aladdin said, cracking his knuckles. "I owe that pencil necked Greek a few lumps, anyway.

"Whoa! Easy, Al," Genie warned. He puffed into a little old lady outfit. "Don't forget our 'G' rating!" He turned to the Genie of the Mirror. "Are you coming or are you staying here, by yourself, in the dark?" he asked. Obviously, he was still more than a little upset with his compatriot.

"I can't exactly travel like this," the Mask replied.

Genie smiled wickedly. "Oh, I can take care of that!" Now it was his turn to crack his knuckles.

Aladdin cleared his throat to smother a chuckle. "Remember that 'G' rating, Genie!" he said, patting Genie on the back. He had no idea what a 'G' rating was, or why they needed to preserve it. But he'd long since started picking up Genie's terminology.

"Oh, don't worry, Al," Genie said with a big, if ominous, grin. "This won't do a THING that Standards and Practices disapproves of." He waved his hands. There was a puff of blue smoke and a yelp from the Genie of the Mirror. Genie admired his handiwork for a moment, then said cheerfully: "Shall we go visit Mekhanikles?"

"Swell," said the Genie of the Mirror in a very small voice.

Visiting Mekhanikles proved to be easier said than done. They started by returning to "the scene of the crime", as Genie put it. The place where Mekhanikles giant crab had blown up and broken Aladdin's leg. Tracking Mekhanikles from there was impossible, he'd flown away on one of his creations. Back tracking him hadn't proved to be any more successful, all they found was an empty cave.

"We don't even know for sure that Mekhanikles was HERE!" hollered Iago.

Jasmine knelt and ran her fingers along the floor. She looked at her clean hands and said dryly. "He was here. This place is spotless."

Genie materialized into a fussy butler wearing white kid gloves. He repeated Jasmine's experiment closer to the roof. "It appears that Her Royal Highness is correct," he announced snootily. "However, from the layer of dust that has accumulated on the upper shelves, it would appear that Mekhanikles has not been here since the exploding crab incident."

He poofed back into himself and asked Aladdin: "I forget, do we have a plan B?"

Aladdin made a rueful face. "He has to be nearby. He couldn't have traveled too far after yesterday's food fight."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," muttered Iago. "But where IS he!"

"We need more help to find him," Sadira said. "Who can we get?"

"Oh, we can call on the ever so lovely and talented Eden, Genie of the Bottle!" Genie said, transforming himself into a seal of approval and clapping enthusiastically. "She can help! She has phenomenal cosmic powers! ANNNDDD... she LIKESSSSSSS me!"

He transformed back into his usual self and whipped his lamp out and reached inside. "I have just the thing here," he said, his "tail" whipped back and forth like an overeager puppy's.

"Any excuse to talk to his girlfriend," Iago muttered. "Can't we EVER get away from this mush?"

Sadira agreed, but didn't say so. "All this mush" was making her uncomfortably aware that it was her crush on Aladdin that had put them in this predicament, although she couldn't have known that the magic mirror would have reacted that way. Reminded of the mirror, she pulled her new hand mirror out from her sleeve.

"Mask? Do you see him?" she asked, the miniaturized mirror.

A tiny version of the Mask appeared and shook his head slightly. "I am sorry, my Mistress, but I cannot locate the one that you seek."

"Are you okay in there?" Sadira asked.

The Mask sighed. "Just when I think things can't get any worse..." he shook his head again. "Never mind, I'm fine. It's not like I can move around in here, anyway. And at least I can get out of the Witches' Sanctuary!"

Iago flapped over and landed on Sadira's shoulder. "Jeez, why are you so worried about that schmuck?" he demanded. "Just give him orders. You know: "Mirror, mirror, in my hand, who's the biggest jerk in the land?"

"That would be YOU," the Mask intoned. Then it faded away. Sadira presumed it was doing whatever it did to look for signs of Mekhanikles.

Just then, Genie pulled something out of his lamp. "See, a princess phone!" he told Jasmine. "Just the thing to chat with your friends in faraway places!"

He spun a dial on the princess phone and listened hopefully. His face fell (and had to be chased around the room) when he heard Eden's voice: "Hi! Dondi and I aren't in right now, we've gone off on a three hour tour. See you in reruns, big guy!" (Of course she knew who was calling. Only Genie had this number!)

Abu caught Genie's face and handed it to Genie, who slapped it on. "Well, that will take a few years," Genie muttered. His face started to fall again, and Genie pushed it back in place.

They forbore to ask how a three hour tour could take years.

"Well, that's just great!" howled Iago. "Why can't you get a more reliable girlfriend..."

Genie's coloring darkened and so did his expression.

"I didn't mean unreliable, I meant..." Iago blithered, realizing he'd put his foot into it. "Uh... stay at home, yeah, that's it. My girl Thundra is easy to find, she... Hey, that's it! Thundra's the rainbird! She's got all the clouds in the world at her disposal, if anyone can find Mekhanikles, she can!"

Sadira made a face. But we're in the desert! There are no clouds here!"

"But it's worth a shot," Aladdin said. "Iago, can you get in touch...." he staggered a little and Genie instantly forgot his ire at Iago.

"Easy, Al, buddy!" he said, putting a steadying arm around the centaur. "Let us take care of this!"

"I guess we can take Carpet to the Rain Forest," Jasmine said to Iago.

"Nah, we don't need to go traveling, Jaz! We can bring her here!"

"How?" Jasmine asked. "I don't think she has a 'phone', princess or otherwise."

Genie whipped out a small box and pointed it at a larger box. "Interactive TV! It'll be all the rage! You point the remote control at the television screen and push!"

He pushed a button on the smaller box and the 'television screen' lit up. There was a picture of six personages under huge hair dryers (they knew they were hair dryers because they were labeled as such). Five of the personages appeared to be golden skinned women, only larger and more beautiful than any mortal women could be. The sixth was a large green bird whose wings and tail rivaled the rainbow in variety of colors.

It was the Rain Bird who spoke first. "Iago?" she cried in tinny tones. "My little giblet! How good to see you again!" She sprang out of the television and scooped Iago up into her multicolored wings. She planted several kisses on the embarrassed parrot.

"Not in front of the guys!" he said, trying not very hard to get free. "Oh, Thundra, this is Sadira, a witch of the sand in training, sort of."

Thundra looked at Sadira in surprise. "I thought all witches were old and ugly!"

Sadira made a rueful face. "Me, too, until I became one." They were interrupted by a blast of static from the television set.

They turned to see the golden skinned women frowning at their audience. "Hey! We're doing a commercial here!" Terpsichore the Muse of Dance complained.

"What are we going to do for a leading lady now that you've

nabbed our bird?" Thalia, Muse of Comedy chimed in.

A voice from off screen broke in. "Ladies! Need I remind you that you are in the WRONG show?"

Thalia whipped out a scroll from behind her back. "Bobby, baby, didn't you see this memo? According to our new contracts, Jill is obligated to give us an appearance in all her Disney stories or we inspire Mr. Stephen King to write her into one of HIS stories... and people have a tendency to NOT come out of Stevie Baby's stories."

"But we need a lead singer for the commercial!" sighed Calliope, Muse of Epic Poetry.

"Oh," Bob the Narrator said. "Well, how about Megara? She's got the voice, the presence and the big hair needed for this scene!"

"Perfect!" the Muses chorused.

Calliope reached out and grabbed Genie's remote control. "Excuse me, darling, we'll need this." She pushed the button and the screen went dark. Then the television disappeared.

"Well, so much for my career in show business!" Thundra sighed. "Oh, well, maybe Zeus can arrange a second gig for me." She turned her attention to Iago. "What's wrong, my little giblet?" she asked.

Iago managed to get his mind back on business with an effort. "Thundra, remember that wacky Greek who tried to destroy your rain forest?"

"Mekhanikles?" Thundra said. "I'm not likely to forget THAT hombre loco! Why?"

"We need to find him," Iago said. "Aladdin and Sadira's life depend on it."

"Then the Griego loco is as found!" She summoned her clouds and sent them off to search the four corners of the Earth.

Unfortunately, searching the Earth takes a while. They returned to Agrabah to see if they could find anything in any of Jafar's books that would help. All they found was further confirmation that Aladdin and Sadira's condition was probably fatal.

Aladdin didn't sleep well that night. At dawn, he took a stroll though the menagerie where he was sleeping, only to find Sadira had also been unable to sleep.

"Oh, ah, hi!" Aladdin said awkwardly.

Sadira smiled sadly. "That's okay, Aladdin, you don't have to pretend to like me." she said.

"I'm not pretending," Aladdin protested, spreading his hands in a placating manner. "I really do like you, it's just that... well, I'm not sure how to act around you."

Sadira cocked her head. "What do you mean?"

Aladdin began to pace back and forth in front of the peacock fountain. "Well, it's just that I'm still not used to people liking me AT ALL, much less... well, you know."

Sadira rolled her tongue around in her cheek as she thought that over. "Yeah, I guess I do know. I've been alone all my life, I'm not used to having friends either. I guess that's why I fell for you. You were the first person who was NICE to me."

Aladdin blushed. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to lead you on."

Sadira shook her head. "No, you told me that you had a girlfriend, I'm the one who got out of line."

"Well, I've been out of line, too," Aladdin said, continuing to pace. "Part of it's just, well, I've never been in love before and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to relate to girls other than Jasmine. She already gets enough grief because she's engaged to a street rat, I don't want her to have to put up with rumors that she's fallen for a *two-timing* street rat."

Sadira blinked. "Oh, I hadn't thought of that!" She started pacing along with Aladdin.

"Plus, I don't know what to say to make you feel better," Aladdin confessed. "If you had fallen for someone like the Sultan, I could say: "Poor Sadira, you didn't get the man of your dreams!"

He stopped pacing and faced her. "What do I say here? Poor Sadira, you didn't get... ME!" he did a credible imitation of one of Jasmine's snootier suitors and Sadira was forced to giggle as Aladdin swaggered a bit around the fountain.

"I see your point, cousin," she said, imitating the Genie of the Mirror.

Aladdin grinned. "And if you'd fallen for someone like, say, Rasoul..."

"Not in this lifetime," muttered Sadira.

"I could say, 'Oh, forget that creep! He's not good enough for you!"

Sadira could see where this would lead. She put a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle. "Oh, no, I can definitely see your problem with that one!"

Aladdin shook out his mane. "Yeah, I can't say that I'm a creep! I'd get too many people AGREEING!"

Sadira sobered up a little. "I'd never agree," she said. She stopped pacing and sighed. "Still, I wonder what might have happened if you had met me before you met Jasmine. Do you think...?"

Aladdin sighed. "I don't know. I like you a lot, and it's kind of flattering that you, well, pursued me, but we both know the first rule of Street Rat conduct... 'When pursued... '"

"Run," Sadira said dryly. "I take it Jasmine has a different approach?"

"Well, Jasmine tends to let me do the chasing," Aladdin said. "She's likely to do something along the lines..."

He was interrupted by the princess under discussion. "Oh, Aladdin! Over here!"

Sadira and Aladdin lost it. Jasmine eyed laughing centaurs suspiciously as she and Carpet floated over to them. "What did I say?"

"It wasn't what, Princess," Aladdin replied.

"It was when," Sadira finished.

They started laughing again.

Jasmine shook her head and smiled. "Whatever," she said. "I'm glad you two are getting along. We just got word from Thundra, she's found Mekhanikles. Now all we have to do is figure out how to get him to do our dirty work for us."

They gathered around the breakfast table that the servants had set up in the menagerie. Over coffee, pastries and fruit, they tried to come up with some plot that would make Mekhanikles want the Stone of Conquest.

"Wouldn't just knowing that the stone exists make him want it?" Sadira asked.

"Maybe," Jasmine said. "But I'm not sure we want him to know exactly what it is. After all, once he gets it, what's to prevent him from using it to conquer Agrabah?"

"We need to convince him that it will solve one particular problem he has." Aladdin said. "What do we know about him that would give us a hint about a problem he can't solve on his own?"

Genie floated past chin resting on his hand. "Well, he's the Greek geek neat freak whose machines can't be beak..." he caught Iago's caustic glare and defended himself. "Well, beat doesn't rhyme perfectly."

"But he can be beat," Aladdin said. "I do it all the time." This time Iago's glare was directed at Aladdin, who amended. "Okay, WE beat him all the time, but it's ME he wants to kill!"

Jasmine rubbed her chin. "Actually, he thinks he already killed you," she said. "He thought I was attacking him to avenge your death."

Aladdin's eyes narrowed. "Really?" He exchanged glances with Genie. "So, if he thinks I'm dead..."

Genie grinned. "I know JUST the thing!" He waved his hand and Aladdin's head was covered with a very peculiar helmet.

"What is this for?" Aladdin said.

"It's to help you get around, Al," Genie said. "Try walking."

Aladdin wheeled around and walked a few paces.

"Let me elucidate, you stay still, just THINK about walking around and let the virtual reality helmet take it from there!

Aladdin stood still, and then he was standing beside himself. Only the second self was human, dressed in his old ragged outfit and he was blue, skin, rags and all.

"Oh, how nice, you and Genie are twinsies!" Iago said sarcastically.

Abu hit him with a mango.

"Not now, guys," Jasmine said, preventing Iago from retaliating. She walked over to the blue Aladdin. She reached out to touch it, and Aladdin mimed kissing her hand.

Jasmine sighed.

"Sorry, Jaz, there are limits to what you can do with virtual reality," Genie said.

"Like you'd know anything about ANY kind of reality," muttered Iago. Then he squawked as a blue bird cage materialized around him.

"I know that nasty little birdies should be in cages," the blue cage smirked.

"Hey!" objected Thundra. Genie puffed back into his normal form, gave Thundra a contrite smile and a bouquet of birds of paradise, then puffed into tailor's clothing. "Now this outfit, she speaks of terror, non? I think we will scare the dickens out of Mister Scrooge, er Mekhanikles."

"Are you kidding!" Iago shrilled. "This wimpy ghost wouldn't scare my Aunt Petunia!" He flapped through the Virtual Aladdin and landed on Centaur Aladdin's shoulder. "It's too... too..."

"Blue?" suggested Sadira.

"Cute?" suggest Jasmine, much to Aladdin's disgust. ("I am not cute!" he muttered.)

"Punctual?" suggested Genie.

They all looked at him quizzically. He shrugged.

"NEAT!" howled Iago. "It's too clean and neat. Mekhanikles won't ever be scared of a CLEAN ghost! Where's the moldering grave dirt! The decaying flesh! The odiferous..."

Genie pinched his beak shut. "We get the idea. Unfortunately, there's no way for me to create dirt that will drip off of Virtual Al. We'll just have to go with what we've got!"

"OK, so maybe we can convince Mekhanikles that this is my ghost," Aladdin said. "But how do we get him to the Maze where the Conquest Stone is?"

"We'll need a shill," Genie said. "Somebody he trusts that can tip him off about the benefits of the stone in the Maze. Once he learns that the Maze can't be entered by anything living or magical, he'll think of his little toys."

"What makes you so sure of that?" Iago demanded.

Aladdin shrugged. "I thought of it because we'd just seen Mekhanikles. He eats, sleeps, breaths machines. Even if there wasn't that restriction, Mekhanikles would probably send his toys in.. They're his first answer to everything." He sighed and his Virtual Self straightened up. "So, when am I on?"

"Midnight," Genie said, materializing a grandfather clock on the palm of his hand. "It's traditional." The clock struck midnight, then changed into a pumpkin.

***

That midnight, Mekhanikles was awakened by a low groan. He sighed and sat up. "What a time to need an oil change," he muttered.

"It's not time to change the oil," moaned the voice.

"Oh, good," Mekhanikles turned over to go back to sleep. Then he sat bolt upright. "Who said that!"

"Me," said Virtual Aladdin, perching on the end of Mekhanikles couch.

Mekhanikles glared at him. "I thought you were dead, you poofy haired miscreant!"

Aladdin glared back. "I am, and you know, I don't like it!" After a pause to allow Mekhanikles to absorb that, Virtual Aladdin added. "And who are you calling a miscreant, anyway?"

Mekhanikles sneered. "Do you expect me to believe such a transparent story as that!" He yanked a lever near his bed and a net shot out of the wall over Mekhanikles' head... and went right through Aladdin.

"It's taken me a few days to accept it myself," Aladdin said dryly. He moved a few feet away from Mekhanikles' sleeping couch and perched on nothing. "I don't know which is worse, being dead or being bound to you."

"Bah, such trickery won't... what do you mean, bound to me?" Mekhanikles' optic whirled out to take a closer look at Aladdin.

"You murdered me," Aladdin said, shrugging. "Now I'm bound to haunt you until the day I SHOULD have died had I lived out my natural life span."

Mekhanikles eyed him narrowly. "You expect me to believe that?" he asked.

Aladdin shrugged. "I don't care what you believe. But we'll have a lot of time together." He smiled wickedly. "Unless you have an 'unfortunate accident' of your own, that is."

Mekhanikles lit a lamp and studied Virtual Aladdin. He got out of bed to circle the apparition with some curiosity. "Hm, no shadow," he observed. He waved his hand at Aladdin. "And no physical reality. Bah, what's there for me to be afraid of?"

To himself, he said: "Floats, is unsubstantial, and is blue. Now where's that genie trap?" He casually opened his carefully alphabetized cupboard and pulled out a genie trap. "No, you aren't fooling me, Genie!" he cried with delight. The trap opened and applied suction that was designed to ensnare and imprison Genies.

It had no effect on Virtual Aladdin.

Mekhanikles blinked. "So, you're not genie, or any other magical entity."

"No, I told you that, didn't I?"

Mekhanikles sighed. "Well, if you're dead, then run along and decay, I'm a busy genius."

"I told you, I'm bound to you for the rest of my natural life span."

Mekhanikles shrugged. "Oh, well, street rats don't live very long anyway." And he went back to bed and blew out the lights.

With the help of Genie, Virtual Aladdin spend the night making the customary sound effects of a haunting -- groans and wails, clattering and clanking, shrieks and the sound of smashing glass. Thundra helped out by sending some extremely noisy thunderclouds to help with the atmosphere.

After about an hour, Mekhanikles put in earplugs and went back to sleep. Disappointed, the haunters drifted back to Agrabah.

"I told you it wouldn't scare Mekhanikles!" Iago bellowed. "He's not likely to be scared by anything that neat! You need mess, not noise!"

"Iago was right," Jasmine said.

"Can I get that in writing?" Iago asked. He handed Jasmine a quill and a piece of parchment.

Jasmine scrawled. "Nice try, but Sadira and I have already thought of that." on the scroll and signed with a flourish. Iago frowned, then started plotting how he could transfer the signature to a bank draft.

"So, we're going to have to add mess to the noise," Jasmine said. "Sadira and I have collected just the mess we need." She waved her hand to where several burlap bags sat next to a cauldron of stew. It was impossible to say which smelled worse.

"I whipped up some more stew," Sadira said.

Iago opened his mouth.

"Say anything, and I'll feed it to you," Sadira continued.

Iago closed his mouth.

"And I picked up a few contributions from Rajah," Jasmine said, gesturing to the burlap bags.

Aladdin shook his head. "You two are so clever, but how do we deliver it?"

Everyone looked at Iago. "Oh, no, I'm not touching that stuff!" He looked around frantically and spotted Abu. "Besides, you need me and the monkey to handle another assignment."

"Which is?" Aladdin asked.

"Destroying stuff," Iago said. "You know, always do what you do best."

The next night, Mekhanikles slept with his earplugs in. He didn't hear the intruders, but he saw the results the next day. Sadira had delivered the stew and the tiger contributions via a sand storm. Abu and Iago had gone through his hideout like a hurricane, opening cupboards and throwing things around with joyous abandon. Genie and Thundra had spent the night huddled over a special project of their own.

"What is that smell?" demanded Mekhanikles as he picked his way through the debris.

"You told me to start decaying," Virtual Aladdin informed him.

"This is NOT the smell of a decaying cadaver!" snarled Mekhanikles as he tried to straighten out his work room.

Virtual Aladdin shrugged. "Well, it's the best I could do on short notice. I haven't actually started to decay yet. The desert climate preserves bodies, you know."

Mekhanikles shot him a dirty look. "You will pay for this!" he vowed.

"I'm DEAD, what can you do to me now?!" bellowed Aladdin.

"Bah," Mekhanikles said. He still didn't believe it was Aladdin's ghost. It had to be a Genie trick of some sort. He was going to have to set up more genie traps. He spotted an unbroken bottle and picked it up, thinking it might be useful. He opened it and the miniature electrical storm that Genie and Thundra had stored in there gave him a big enough shock to frizz out his hair.

"Oh, I WILL get you for this, Genie," muttered Mekhanikles. The 'ghost' didn't seem to hang around during the day, so he spent his time cleaning up and setting traps. He was vindicated the next day, when he awoke and found Genie nestled snugly in one of the traps.

"Sweets for the sweet and booby traps for the boobies!" Mekhanikles crowed. "Let's see your "ghost" show up NOW!"

"Genie!" cried Virtual Aladdin.

Mekhanikles' jaw dropped. He knew it was impossible for Genie to work magic while he was imprisoned.

Virtual Aladdin ignored Mekhanikles and floated over to the genie trap. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I... I missed you, Aladdin. I knew you'd have to haunt Mekhanikles, so I came to see you." The thought of losing Aladdin caused a sorrow that was too real for Mekhanikles to disbelieve.

"He really IS a ghost," Mekhanikles gasped.

"Yeah," sighed the prisoner. "You won, happy now?"

"No!" Mekhanikles said. "I want him out of here! Now! Do you know how?"

"Well, you can wait until the appointed day of my death." Virtual Aladdin said.

"Unacceptable," Mekhanikles sniffed.

"You could die yourself," Aladdin added, with a wicked grin.

"Definitely out."

The prisoner snorted. "There's only one other way to send him to his eternal rest, and YOU certainly can't get to it!"

"Try me," Mekhanikles said, crossing his arms and glaring.

"It's a magical talisman that's in a maze that nothing living and nothing magical can enter!" the Genie in the bottle said.

Mekhanikles' suspicions came back. "My machines can get there!" Was this some sort of trick? He wondered. It was just too pat.

"Your machines are magical," the Genie sniffed.

"They're science!"

"Magic!"

"Science!"

"Prove it!" the Genie challenged.

"Tell me where this thing is, and I will!" Mekhanikles snapped back.

"Why should I?" the Genie sulked.

"Please, Genie?" Virtual Aladdin said. "I don't want to be stuck with Mekhanikles any more than he wants to be stuck with me!" He gave Mekhanikles a sour look. "Besides, maybe he'll be killed."

"Oh, very well," the Genie said. "Let me out and I'll show you."

"I'm not letting you out!" Mekhanikles said. "You just give me directions and I'll take it from there!"

Virtual Aladdin gave the Genie a pleading look. "Have it your way," the Genie sighed.

Virtual Aladdin faded as Centaur Aladdin removed his helmet. "Okay, now what?" he asked Genie. Then he did a double take. "Hey, if YOU'RE here, who's in that trap?" He looked around wildly, then grabbed Genie by his front. "WHERE'S JASMINE?!?!"

"Ah, sorry, Al," Genie muttered. "But I'm needed out here to do the transportation and..."

"Jasmine insisted!" Sadira broke in.

Aladdin grasped the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Now I know how the Sultan feels. Okay, people, let's get into position. I want to get back into Mekhanikles' giant bug of the day as soon as I can."

Carpet had shown them to the Maze of Despair and Jasmine had drawn a map designed to bring Mekhanikles to the Maze's entrance shortly after Aladdin and the others arrived.

When Mekhanikles arrived in the grassy valley where the maze had been built, he found a black globe the size of the Sultan's palace floating five feet above the ground. Two stairways curved their way to the globe. There were signs to indicate that people had gone up the stairs. There were no signs to show if anybody had ever come back down... alive. There were plenty of signs of death. The area beneath the globe was devoid of grass, which made it all too easy to see the white bones scattered in the dark earth.

"Well, so far you're information has proven true," Mekhanikles admitted to 'Genie'. "So, now what?"

Jasmine-Genie snorted. "YOU'RE supposed to be the genius," she said. "You figure it out."

"I suppose I'll have to send in some of my babies," Mekhanikles mused. He went outside, carrying the genie trap with him. As he looked the black globe over, a herd of burnoose clad centaurs wandered over. Mekhanikles tensed, but the centaurs made no hostile moves. "Apple?" a brown mare asked him, holding out an apple.

"Thank you," Mekhanikles said. He took a bite out of the apple, then gestured toward the globe. "What can you tell me about the globe?" he asked.

"It's dangerous," Sadira warned.

"I know that," Mekhanikles said sourly. "I don't intend to go in there." He looked up the stairs. "Do you know if the stairs are dangerous, too?"

"No idea," admitted Sadira. "I have no intention of finding out, either."

"I do," Mekhanikles said loftily. "But I plan to do it the intelligent way." He pulled two mechanical beetles out of his pocket and wound them up. The beetle that went up the south stair way made it to the top safely. The beetle that started up the north stairway only got half way up. Mechanical bug parts floated down to mingle with the skeletons on the ground.

Sadira cocked her head. "Interesting. But can you control your minions once they're inside?" she asked.

"Of course!" huffed Mekhanikles. Normally he would have done something to chase the centaurs off. But they reminded him of home, so he let them stay. Besides, he didn't get an appreciative audience very often.

He pulled a box with bug like antenna on it out of his tunic and began twirling knobs. The surviving beetle entered the globe, where it swiftly ceased being a surviving beetle.

Mekhanikles sighed as more bug parts rained down. "This could take forever," he muttered. He sent another beetle in.

"How will that help?" Sadira asked.

"I'm instructing this one to avoid the remains of his predecessor," Mekhanikles informed her loftily. There was another shower of bug parts.

"If the bug parts keep falling out, then how can there be any remains to see?" Sadira asked, munching on an apple.

"Everybody's a critic," muttered Mekhanikles.

Sadira wondered if she could use her sand powers in some way. Maybe if she dropped sand from above, it would sift through and leave a map of the maze on the ground? Unfortunately, using her powers might make Mekhanikles suspicious. Wait, why not suggest the sifting powder to Mekhanikles and let HIM figure it out?

"Can you drop some sort of powder from above the globe?" she asked. "Then it might sift down and make a pattern on the ground."

Mekhanikles interrupted her excitedly. "Which would show a map of the maze!" His face fell. "But I don't have any suitable powder."

"How about paint?" Jasmine-genie suggested.

Mekhanikles brightened. "Of course!" He scowled at the ground under the globe. "But that ground is too uneven. Paint won't work."

"If you let me out..." Jasmine-genie offered.

"No," Mekhanikles snarled. "Besides, I'd rather do this myself."

After an hour or so of hard labor, Mekhanikles had a suitable surface. First, he sent his several winged beetles flying in a circular pattern under the globe, laying down a platform of concrete. After the concrete dried, he sent another set of beetles to smooth, polish and whitewash the platform. "There," Mekhanikles said with satisfaction. "A tabula rasa!" He smirked at Sadira, who looked suitably impressed.

It really was nice working for an audience who a) appreciated his genius, b) wasn't trying to thwart him and c) didn't have poofy hair. The fact that she was pretty didn't hurt at all. Of course, he'd never let a dirty centaur into his home, but still... she WAS pretty.

"Now for the finishing touch, my dear," he said avuncularly. He raised his hand and a giant stinkbug rose from the ground and hovered over the black globe. It began spraying a fine mist of blue over the globe, the mist rained through the globe onto the tabula rasa below. At the end of another hour, Mekhanikles had a perfect blue print of the Maze of Despair printed neatly on the ground. At the center of the maze was a large circle.

"What's that circle?" Sadira asked curiously. She offered Mekhanikles another apple, which he accepted.

"That, my pretty, is the device which I am seeking," Mekhanikles said. "Now all we have to do is figure out the route into the center and out again," he added with satisfaction. He sent his favorite beetle, Scooter, to trace the route to the talisman.

Another hour later, and Sadira felt like screaming. Scooter was tracing the route in red chalk, but every time he made a mistake, and there were a lot of them, Scooter had to erase the chalk and start again. She felt like kicking somebody. No, she felt like kicking Mekhanikles, even though he was being nice to her. Maybe because he was being nice to her. She didn't want to like a villain, yet she found herself liking the person who had tried to blow up Aladdin.

She pulled her hand mirror out of her sleeve. "Any suggestions?" she asked.

"Sorry, My Mistress," the Mask whispered. "But union rules forbid us to assist mortals in taking this particular maze."

The silvery centaur touched Sadira's arm to calm her. She shot Aladdin a searching glance. Aladdin wasn't looking at her, he was eyeing the genie of the mirror. "We got into this mess because the image was backwards," he muttered. "Maybe we're still looking at this backwards."

He walked around the blueprint of the maze, then stopped, studying the maze intently. Obviously, there was something visible from that angle that wasn't from this one.

Aladdin walked over to Mekhanikles and took away the controls.

Sadira gasped. What if Mekhanikles recognized him? He had a hood on, it's true, but Mekhanikles WAS a genius!

"Start at the middle," Aladdin rasped. He walked back to Carpet as he directed Scooter towards the middle of the maze. Then he began directing the man sized beetle outwards.

Mekhanikles sniffed. "Sure, if you want to cheat!" He walked over to Aladdin, arms crossed and a deep scowl on his face. Aladdin's method worked a lot faster, he only had to backtrack a few times. Soon, Aladdin's trail started to approach the trail Mekhanikles had worked out. Mekhanikles' scowl faded into something approaching grudging respect.

"Not bad," he said. "You have a good eye for patterns."

Aladdin shot him a glance, amused at being paid a compliment by Mekhanikles. However, he said nothing. He'd already pushed things way into the danger zone. The pattern of the Maze was clear now and he handed Scooter's controls back to Mekhanikles. Once the mad Greek inventor was deeply immersed in his work, Aladdin glanced around for Abu.

Abu was back in monkey form. He and Carpet were in the process of abstracting Jasmine-genie's prison away from the oblivious Mekhanikles and substituting an identical bottle filled with something that looked like Genie. Aladdin glanced over to the blue roan centaur that Genie had turned himself into and raised an eyebrow. Genie just winked at him.

Now that Mekhanikles had a map of the Maze, it was easy for him to maneuver his next beetle into the Maze and have it returned with the prize in question. It was a diamond the size of an orange. The beetle deposited its prize into Mekhanikles hands.

"Well, what have we here?" Mekhanikles gloated.

"I AM THE CONQUEST STONE!" bellowed the diamond.

"Really?" Mekhanikles said. "And what do you conquer?"

"ANYTHING!" The Conquest Stone paused. "INCLUDING ARROGANT MORTALS THAT POUR BLUE PAINT OVER ME!"

"Oh, come now," Mekhanikles chided. "You can't be mad at me for that! If I hadn't poured paint over the Maze, I would never have liberated you, and you can't do any conquering from in there, can you?"

If a diamond could have blinked, this one would have. "POINT TAKEN. WHAT DO YOU WISH TO CONQUER?"

"First, tell me what the price of conquest is," Mekhanikles demanded.

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THERE'S A PRICE?" asked the Conquest Stone.

"I'm a genius, you can't fool me! There's ALWAYS a price," Mekhanikles said dryly. "And yours is...?"

"FOR EVERY CONQUEST YOU MAKE, I ALSO AM PERMITTED TO CONQUER SOMETHING."

"And that something would be?"

"MY CHOICE."

"What do you want to conquer?" Mekhanikles wanted to know.

"YOU'LL FIND OUT!"

"Lovely," Mekhanikles muttered. "Do I use the stone to conquer Aladdin's ghost and then let it conquer what it pleases? What if it wants to conquer the world? Or even worse, Greece? Hmmm...."

"I can take that decision off of your hands, Mekhanikles," Aladdin said in his own voice.

It took Mekhanikles a few seconds to realize that it was the centaur speaking. Then he froze in shock. His hesitation was long enough for Aladdin to lunge for the Conquest Stone, only to have the Stone itself send him sprawling to the ground with a blast of green energy.

"IS THIS MORTAL THE BEING THAT YOU WISH TO CONQUER?" The Conquest Stone demanded.

"Among other things," Mekhanikles said, catching his breath. "So, you aren't dead after all!"

"Nope," Aladdin admitted. "Fooled ya!" he added. He could feel Abu bounce onto his hindquarters. The monkey was moving on three paws, so Aladdin assumed he still had Jasmine-genie in the fourth paw.

"You little... CONQUER HIM!" Mekhanikles held up the Conquest Stone. A beam of blood red light burst towards Aladdin.

Sadira lunged forward, interposing her magic mirror between Aladdin and Mekhanikles.

"Conquer yer grandma," snapped the Genie of the Mirror.

The beam bounced off the magic mirror and slammed into Mekhanikles. When the light faded, Mekhanikles was trussed in ruby colored chains. He held the Conquest Stone up to his telescoping eye. "I said, Conquer HIM, not me!" Mekhanikles snarled.

"You should have called him by name," the Conquest Stone was actually subdued. "Then I could have gotten around this ridiculous bouncing off the mirror trick. Man, that one is older than the Maze!"

"Sorry," Sadira said cheekily. "But it got old because it works." She deftly swiped the Stone from Mekhanikles fingers.

"Et, tu?" Mekhanikles asked.

Sadira actually blushed. "Well, I'm sorry. But it was my fault that Aladdin and I were turned into centaurs, and I had to do something or we really WOULD become ghosts." She shook her head sadly. "You know, if you weren't such a villain, I might actually like you!"

For once, Mekhanikles was speechless.

Sadira trotted over to help Aladdin to his feet. "Now what do we do with this?" she asked.

The blue roan centaur puffed back into Genie and the red roan centaur with the white muzzle puffed into Iago wearing a white muzzle. (The only way to keep him quiet, believe me.)

Mekhanikles frowned. 'Wait, if that's Aladdin's Genie, then the Genie in the bottle was... who?' He also noticed the absence of Princess Jasmine. 'So that's who the genie in the bottle was. She might make a good hostage, once I get free.' He had no doubt he'd get free. He may have been conquered, but he didn't have to stay conquered. Not when Scooter was nearby! And right now all the heroes were somewhat distracted.

"We can't use him, guys," Aladdin sighed. "His price is too high."

Abu had pried open the bottle by now and emptied Jasmine onto the palm of his hand. He set Jasmine carefully onto Aladdin's equine back, expecting her to change back to her true form and size. She changed back into her correct form, but remained small, much to Abu's surprise.

"What do you mean?" Jasmine asked. She had to shout in order to make herself heard.

"For every conquest we make, he gets to make one of his choosing. And he doesn't tell us what he intends to conquer."

"Oh," Jasmine said. "I guess we have to put him back, then."

"NOW, NOW, THERE'S NO NEED TO BE HASTY!" said the Conquest Stone. "WE CAN MAKE A DEAL!"

"How about you don't go around conquering people anymore?" Aladdin asked.

"I CANNOT DO THAT!" said the Conquest Stone. "IF I DID, THEN I WOULD NO LONGER BE THE CONQUEST STONE, I'D JUST BE A GIANT CHUNK OF CRYSTALIZED CARBON WITH NO SENTIENCE!"

"Oh," Jasmine said. "You mean, you'd die?"

"YES."

Aladdin sighed. He really didn't want to kill anything, even a giant diamond with a voice that was giving him a headache. "How about you promise to never conquer Agrabah or her allies?" he asked.

"I CAN'T MAKE A DEAL THAT NON-SPECIFIC. YOU WILL HAVE TO DEFINE ALLIES BETTER."

Jasmine piped up. "Agrabah's allies consist of all those people who have signed treaties of non-aggression and/or trade agreements with my government or are currently negotiating to do so."

The Conquest Stone thought this over. "AGREED!"

Aladdin took a deep breath. "Then I want you to conquer the spell that has turned Sadira and I into dying centaurs and return us to our true and healthy selves."

Aladdin and Sadira were bathed in a blue beam. When it faded, two healthy humans had replaced the centaurs. They both sat down suddenly because they're senses of balance had grown accustomed to four feet.

"Wow! I'm glad THAT'S over!" Aladdin said. "So, on to the next crisis!"

"You sound certain that there will be a next crisis," Sadira said.

"Well, there's still ME!" Mekhanikles exclaimed. Aladdin and Sadira jumped to their feet. Mekhanikles' beetle Scooter had freed him and now the mad Greek scientist was holding the bottle that Abu had substituted for Jasmine's prison.

"Surrender or I will kill your precious princess!" Mekhanikles gloated.

"Jasmine's not in there!" Aladdin exclaimed.

Mekhanikles just laughed. "Don't try to fool me!" he gloated.

"Why not?" Aladdin asked. "I'm getting pretty good at it."

"YOU POOFY HAIRED..." incoherent with rage, Mekhanikles waved his fists in the air. The bottle slipped from his grasp and smashed against Scooter's brassy hide. The blue genie inside exploded with a puff of foul smelling blue smoke. Mekhanikles covered his face with his stola and leaped onto Scooter's back.

"I had some of Sadira's stew left," Genie explained.

"Well, you may have won this round, but I still have things that go BOOM!" Mekhanikles pulled something out from his tunic and threw it in their direction. Then he and Scooter beat a hasty retreat.

Genie formed a barrier just as Mekhanikles bomb exploded. This time there was no one in the line of fire.

"Good job, Genie!" called Jasmine.

"Thanks, Princess-woman!" Genie said. He one fingered zapped her to her normal size, then politely turned his back as she and Aladdin greeted each other.

Sadira shook her head and politely turned away. She was happy to note that she didn't feel as miserable about this as she did a few days ago. Maybe she really was getting over her crush on Aladdin.

For once, Iago had nothing nasty to say about the mush. He couldn't get free from Thundra's embrace long enough to do so.

"So," Sadira asked the Conquest Stone. "What do you intend to conquer?"

"THAT!" the Conquest Stone said with concentrated venom. A searing white light lanced from the Conquest Stone and into the black globe that housed the Maze of Despair. The black globe disappeared in a blaze of fireworks, causing Aladdin and Jasmine to jump apart. Jasmine tripped on some scattered beetle parts and fell.

"Jasmine!" Aladdin cried, kneeling next to her.

Jasmine clutched her ankle. "I think..."

"Don't tell me it's broken!" shouted Iago.

Jasmine grimaced. "Okay, I won't tell you."

"I CAN CONQUER THAT BROKEN ANKLE, PRINCESS!" The conquest stone said.

"I think I can make do with a bag of ice," Jasmine replied dryly. "With any luck, it's only sprained."

"I still think there should have been an easier way to cure Al and Sadira," muttered Iago.

"Well, I don't know of one..." Aladdin interrupted himself by bursting into laughter. He laughed so hard that he fell over onto his side. "Oh, no, there WAS an easier way!"

"WHAT?" the others, even the Genie of the Mirror and the Conquest Stone, demanded.

"The Tree of Renewal," Aladdin said.

Genie frowned. "But Al, we already went over that. Since you were changed from human to horse to centaur, the Tree of Renewal would have changed you to a horse... permanently."

Aladdin shook his head. "But Sadira was changed from a human to a centaur."

Jasmine slapped her forehead, mind momentarily taken off the pain in her ankle. "Then she could have been turned back into a human."

Sadira clutched the sides of her head. "Then I could have done that mirror spell again."

"Only the right way," the Genie of the Mirror added.

"And turned Al back into a human," Genie finished.

They looked at each other, then started laughing.

"Oh, let's go home," Aladdin said, when he could catch his breath.

Sadira bandaged Jasmine's ankle and Aladdin tenderly lifted her to Carpet. Then they set course for Agrabah, with Iago and Genie arguing all the way.

Iago snarled "You are SUCH a mook! Why didn't YOU think to use the Tree of Renewal to turn Sadira back into a human?"

Genie just laughed. "You didn't think of it, either. So who is mookier? The mook or the mook that follows him?"

The End, for now.

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