That is ssooo good update soon. I like how you do your POV
Author's Response: Thanks,SweetApple! Chapter 13 is coming soon!
Hi! Remember me? The one who could relate to the first story. Yeah, I just read it, and I loved it! But I saw that Aladdin and Jasmine had a pretty rough relationship between Hazel. And Jasmine and Hazel especially had a really bad relaionship! I still liked it though, lots of conflict, romance, and family moments.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing,and don\'t worry,it\'s not done yet! More to come soon!
I hope you finish this story!!!!! It is the best. Update soon ok!
Author's Response: Thank you! Chapter 12 is coming!
You are excellent on many points: you keep a nice, easy flow; you endear me completely to Hazel (I know exactly how she feels with respect to Hakim!:)), and you get rather deep into Hazel's emotions, carrying off descriptions of her feelings succintly and clearly.
I have a couple of nitpicky things, though:
- Anachronisms: Yes, I know how the movie Aladdin is when it comes to anachronisms, but I think it's mainly Genie and Iago who spout those kinds of jokes, not Aladdin or Jasmine or any of the other lead characters.
- Is Hazel an Arabic name?
- The kiss scene just now seemed a little too sudden. Maybe a little more dialogue or something to build up the tender "butterfly" tension before the kiss?
- Could we hear more from Hakim's POV? He sounds like he has a pretty distressing home life - it could be interesting to hear his thoughts.
Overall, your fic carries itself much better than a lot of Aladdin fics, it's characters are quite believable, and it endears the reader (a very important thing!). Keep on writing!
P.S. This is just optional, but how about some Middle Eastern cultural references?
-
You are excellent on many points: you keep a nice, easy flow; you endear me completely to Hazel (I know exactly how she feels with respect to Hakim!:)), and you get rather deep into Hazel's emotions, carrying off descriptions of her feelings succintly and clearly.
I have a couple of nitpicky things, though:
- Anachronisms: Yes, I know how the movie Aladdin is when it comes to anachronisms, but I think it's mainly Genie and Iago who spout those kinds of jokes, not Aladdin or Jasmine or any of the other lead characters.
- Is Hazel an Arabic name?
- The kiss scene just now seemed a little too sudden. Maybe a little more dialogue or something to build up the tender "butterfly" tension before the kiss?
- Could we hear more from Hakim's POV? He sounds like he has a pretty distressing home life - it could be interesting to hear his thoughts.
Overall, your fic carries itself much better than a lot of Aladdin fics, it's characters are quite believable, and it endears the reader (a very important thing!). Keep on writing!
P.S. This is just optional, but how about some Middle Eastern cultural references?
-
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! And thank you for the constructive critism. I\'ll definitely take the things you\'ve said into consideration,and I\'m glad you like you like the story. Expect an update soon!
great cliffhanger- things are definitly heating up, i also love the characters, u can relate to them really easily.
good work!
Author's Response: Thank you,Soohe! An update is coming soon!
It is getting better and better!! UPDATE SOON!!
I can't tell you how anxious I am to read the next chapter!! UPDATE SOON!!! (Great job!)
I LOVE IT! I don't think words can describe this story
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'m so glad you like it! Chapter 12 is in the works,so look for an update soon!
Hold my breath and forget to breath out. THAT IS...You know, great as always!I did not expect for such turning in the plot. Hazel has to win her love! (I decided to range this story to my favorites)
Author's Response: Thanks so much,Amadou! An update is coming soon!
omg this is a rllyrlly good story!!! update asap!!!keep up the good work! =D
Love the chapter and the story!! You know how to write stories!!! UPDATE SOOON!!
Author's Response: Thanks,Starz! I\'ll update as soon as I can!
wow i really enjoyed this chapter. its one of the best. you are doind a really good job!
Author's Response: Thanks! Chapter 11 is coming soon!
please update! it is driving me crazy!
please update. the story is really good.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review! Glad you like it! Chapter 8 is already finished. I just have to do some last minute editing and then I\'ll post it! Check back here soon!