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In need of advice, possibly a beta, please help!

 
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Amyrat151
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Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 3:13 pm    Post subject: In need of advice, possibly a beta, please help! Reply with quote

So I've written more than one fanfic in my time, but I've never put any on the internet, part of the reason being I've never finished one. I get ideas, I get excited, I write them down, I forget or move onto something else. But I have an idea/ideas for Aladdin fic and I'm more inclined to share this one since there's less Aladdin fic than that of my other fandoms.

Now I have a story thing, focusing on Sadira. I'll put up what I have so far and I just am wondering if people think it's worth writing more of it. I admit I am looking for validation, however you can be as brutal as you like! I'm not a writer, so it won't hurt my feelings if anyone suggests what I got so far isn't very good. Of course, if you like it and want to be my beta because you think its good enough, then I'll keep going.

Not for the first time, and most likely not the last, Sadira’s home was full of fowl-smelling smoke. “Oh rats!” she coughed, her head swimming. Franticly trying to bat the air-borne menace away from her face, she knelt on the ground, waved her hands over the sand in front of her and created a small sandstorm. As she rose from her kneeling position, the storm increased in size and power. She waved her hands in a circular movement then thrust them towards the exit, pushing the storm, and the results of her last botched potion, outside her underground lairer (sp?). She took in a deep breath and plopped down onto a chair she made out of sand only a second before.

“I really must be a terrible witch, the forgetfulness potion was the easiest one in the scrolls and I couldn’t even do that! Then again, some of those ingredients weren’t exactly fresh.” Sadira took another deep breath, catching the horrible smell of her failed attempt at witchcraft. She pulled on a lock of her messy hair and inhaled. “Great, I’m going to have wash this about 100 times to get that smell out, not that anyone would notice” she admitted sadly. Sadira hadn’t left her home in days, and hadn’t seen any of her friends in much longer than that. Aladdin and Jasmine had been married now for about a month, and Sadira hadn’t seen them since the wedding. She missed them. As if someone had heard her silent wish to see her friends again, Sadira caught the sound of Carpet coming closer to her.

When she saw that he was alone, she couldn’t stop the involuntary frown that came to her face. However, when Carpet came closer he was greeted by a happy teenage witch. “Carpet, it’s so good to see you.” She said with honesty. Carpet flew down to her and mimicked kissing her hand as if to tell her he was pleased to see her too. “Thank you, Carpet for coming to see me. I admit I’ve been a little lonely lately.” Carpet drooped(sp?) his front as if to empathize with her. Sadira smiled when suddenly Carpet straighten out, only to then bend over backwards and grab the scroll he was holding in one of his back tassels.

“What’s this?” Sadira asked as she took the scroll from Carpet. “It’s a letter from Jasmine!” She said excitedly as she unrolled it and began to read. The letter stated that Jasmine wished to meet Sadira in the market place by Omar’s fruit stand tomorrow in the late morning. Jasmine said that she had a proposition for her. “So they sent you to be the messenger, huh?” Sadira asked and Carpet bobbed his front half up and down to answer. “I suppose Jasmine couldn’t come herself. I figured that she and Aladdin have been getting busy since they got married.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Carpet’s tassels bristle out and she realized what she just said. Red faced and sputtering, Sadira quickly corrected herself. “I-I mean have been busy.” After a nervous chuckle she set the letter down, grabbed a quill, dapped it with ink, and wrote as neatly as she could that would be glad to meet Jasmine at the bottom of the letter.

She handed it to Carpet and said “I suppose you’re busy right now too, huh?” Carpet again answered in the affirmative. Sadira sighed but then smiled. “At least I’ll see you again tomorrow.” He then twirled Sadira around, making her laugh. “Thanks again, Carpet.” He gave a little solute with the swish of his right-front tassel and flew out of the exit. “Well, at least I’ll have enough time for a good bath.” She smelled her hair again and added “or several.”

The next morning Sadira woke late, ate, dressed herself in her freshly laundered clothes, and left her home for the market place. She stretched her hands to the sky, realizing that she hadn’t seen it in what felt like too long. Maybe I should move. Her home, while more infinitely comfortable then the streets where she used to sleep, made her feel a little too confided. In the mist of these thoughts, Sadira heard her name being called. She turned towards the voice to see Jasmine waving and beckoning her to come closer. When Sadira got closer she was a little taken aback by Jasmine’s appearance. To the casual observer Jasmine looked as she always did, dark hair, big eyes, and beautiful. What was new was light in her eyes that made them positively sparkle, a posture that suggested an easy pride, and a happiness in her voice that range out like a clear bell. Being married obviously agreed with her.

“Sadira, it’s wonderful to see you again” Jasmine said as she embraced her friend.

“It’s good to see you too” Sadira replied with a smile, hugging her back.

As they parted Sadira noticed Razoul standing about ten feet away. He gave no acknowledgment of her presence besides a slight nod of the head. “You remember Razoul?” Jasmine said, trying to cover up the awkward moment. How could I forget? Sadira had, of course, spent the better part of her life out-witting the place guards.

Sadira found her voice and asked “you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, will you accompany me to the palace?” Jasmine asked. “When we get there I promise to tell you what this is all about.”

“Of course, I admit that your letter made be curious.” Sadira stated. The princess, her royal escort, and the sand witch made their way through the market place. More than one merchant called out to Jasmine, and she smiled and waved back. Others offered her what they claimed to be their finest wears. She politely declined every offer, claiming she and her friend had important business. A few even tried to get Sadira’s attention, assuming, despite her worn-down appearance, that she must be someone important. Once they reached the palace Sadira noticed that there were many more servants that she was used to seeing. Servants taking care of the lawn, sweeping the path ways, washing the statues, the place was alive with activity.

Jasmine turned to Razoul and said “that will be all, thank you Razoul.”

“Your most welcome, your highness.” He said in a formal tone and went back towards the gate.

Jasmine shook her head slightly. “You know, ever since I got married, Razoul has been more serious than ever in his duties. I wanted to go to the market place myself, trying to convince him that Carpet would be all the company I needed, but he wouldn’t hear of it.” Jasmine took a breath and shrugged. “It worked out, since Aladdin had another job for Carpet.”

“Jasmine, could you please tell me why I’m here.” Sadira asked, bringing Jasmine’s attention back to the present.

“Oh, right!” Jasmine said as she began to walk forward, Sadira in toe. “I’m sure you noticed the increase of palace staff. You see Sadira, when Jafar was royal vizier he laid off most of the heads of staff as well as many attendants. He didn’t want to compete with anyone for my father’s attention. But things are different now. Aladdin and I agreed that it would be best to increase the number of workers, since the staff was previously stretched to their limit.” The pair had made their way to the throne room, where they were greeted by two guards who opened the doors and bowed as Jasmine passed.

“Jasmine!” The sultan called out to his one and only child, shooing away a scribe and a servant with a flagon of water.

“Afternoon, Father” she greeted back as they got closer to him. When they reached the throne, Jasmine gestured towards Sadira. “This is Sadira, you remember her, Father?”

“Good day, your highness” Sadira bowed in what she hoped was an appropriate greeting.

The Sultan stepped off the throne and said “of course” with a smile. “You’re the sand witch, you were at the wedding.”

“Yes, that was me.” Sadira answered. She smiled at him, stalling to think of something to say. She landed on “this place is much livelier now.”

“Isn’t though?” Sultan said, sounding pleased. “You know, it reminds me of when Jasmine was a little girl.” His tone turned sour when he added “but then we started getting fewer visitors in the place, and Jafar insisted on a tighter staff.”

“Those days are long behind us now, Father.” Jasmine said, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Did you know that after the wedding, people from all over have sent ambassadors to open trade routes?” Jasmine asked Sadira.

“Of course that isn’t the only reason they’re sticking around” Sultan said with a glint in his eye.

“Really?” asked Sadira

“Many are waiting for news of children” The old man allowed himself a laugh.

Jasmine blushed “It’s ridiculous, I’m not even pregnant yet. We’ve only been married a month.”

“It didn’t take your mother and me long at all.” The Sultan laughed again.

Jasmine’s blush darkened, but her voice was composed when she said “Sadira, I suppose you want to know why I brought you to the palace.”

“You did promise to tell me.” Sadira stated.

“As I was saying before, we are looking for people who are loyal to Agrabah to fill certain roles here, and we were wondering if you’d be in charge of the Kingdom’s magical affairs.” Jasmine finished with a smile.

Sadira was stunned; she could hardly believe what Jasmine said. “Me! You can’t be serious?”

“I am very serious.” Jasmine said kindly. She took Sadira’s hands and looked into her eyes. “Look Sadira, when the Witches of the Sand tried to take over the city, you were the one who beat them. You trapped them and took their staff. You are powerful. But much more importantly, no matter how we treated you, you remained loyal to the city.” Sadira was speechless. For one, no one had ever told her she was good at anything, let alone be called powerful. Her thoughts of protest were pushed out of her mind by Jasmine’s kind words. But she found her voice and asked “what about Genie?”
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